kebab0816

Life - so complicated
2010-02-16 00:56:42 (UTC)

A few more changes and updates

After 19 months, Andy and I have finally broken up. It's
sad yes but I'm at a stage in my life right now that he
won't be at for while. He hasn't matured to that stage yet
and I don't blame him. I always knew I'd have to be with
someone in the end who was on my wavelength of maturity -
and I don't mean that to sound big headed, it's just the
way I am and always have been. Older than my years. I know
I'll miss him but hopefully we can still be friends. The
other changes are that I'm working in a Primary School,
the kids are from difficult backgrounds and need a lot of
love and care. Sometimes it can be hard to know and see
the consequences of what their parents do to them but
that's not the hardest part. The staff are difficult to
get along with. It's been a stressful 2 months and when
Debs had her car crash a couple of weeks ago I finally ran
myself down and fell ill. I was totally drained and I'm
only just recovering now. Debs is fine, a broken jaw and a
gash to her face but her car is a wreck. 4th one in 4
years and she's only 21! Adrian's comments last week are
still on my mind and this is what finally drove me to see
that me and Andy aren't right for each other, we have
completely different values and aims in life and they
don't fit together. Considering Adrian is something I have
completely refused to do until now. Everything about him
fits together with my life perfectly - it's annoying. So
my next steps are to probe - to see if I can bond with him
on another level. See if I can get the affection from him
like I did from Andy. The best thing is Adrian knows me
inside and out, he's known me since he was 14 - thats 17
years. He knows the good and all the bad things about me
and still suggests he could be with me. It says a lot. He
has a lot to offer me so the only thing I can do is close
my eyes and jump in.




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