Studdog

Kind Words

Last week a friend of mine passed away. Dustin was 18 years
old and while we were never close, he seemed like a nice
guy. His death has had a very strong impact here and a lot
of people very clearly miss him.

Last week, when I found out, I put a small Facebook message
up that said "Rest in peace Dustin. You were a good man and
you will be missed."

A girl I graduated college with sent me this:

I'm sorry to hear that you lost a friend.. as I gather from
facebook. A few months after we graduated, I lost my best
friend who was also like brother... Since his mother and
mine were best friends and neighbors, I didn't go a day
without seeing him until I went away to Transy. His name was
also Dustin. We grew up together and spent so much time
together that we kind of molded each other's personalities
to a great extent. I also lost my grandfather in December
who was another of my best friends who I saw nearly every
day of my life. I know that you must now be aware it is
something that you must somehow get past but it will
certainly never be something you will ever get over. I know
that when you open your eyes in the mornings, that, through
your eyes, you must be looking at a different world that
will forever be both graced and haunted by his footsteps. My
heart truly breaks for you, his family, and friends. It
won't be easier any time soon, but as impossible as I know
it is to fathom right now, eventually it will get easier
face the day ... but it obviously will never be "better".
Eventually every single memory will be like the best gift
you could ever ask for .... they won't mend your heart but
they will cradle your dreams and make your stronger from
knowing just how lucky you are to have spent time with him
during his precious, all too brief years. I am truly sorry
if I have rambled too much or overstepped a line... I know
we were never ever close. If I could wish all of the pain
away for you, I certainly would, but scars often yield the
gift of precious memories. I find that all I can wish for
you is simply peace ... cherish every memory. Poor darling,
I'm so very sorry.

With deepest sympathies,
-Kit

Kristen is a very interesting person. She always acted like
she was still immature and I could never tell if it was
really an act or not. Her old roommate told me that she
hadn't even gotten her period yet, and sometimes I believed
that could have been true.

Her nickname was Kitty because she had so many cat-like
attributes. I really liked her but we got on one another's
nerves all the time. Sometimes we'd get along quite nicely,
other times we could barely be in the same room.

I was surprised to get this respond. I know what brought me
to her attention: today is her birthday and I told her I
hoped it was a good one for her. I genuinely do want her to
have a good birthday.

Now, Kristen has a love of all things Asian. She even moved
out to California and got herself an Asian boyfriend while
working on her graduate degree in ancient studies. And I
will say this, Kitty is easily the most beautiful girl I
have ever met. Bar none.

Her words of kindness are insanely attractive. Right now, I
have been shown that I can be attracted to another person,
which makes me think that things with Dokia won't last.
Sure, I could get back into a relationship with her, and it
could work for a while. But eventually I would have to end
it, because eventually I would move on to better things.

Dokia is someone who would make me happy in the short run,
but lately I don't think she would make me happy in the long
run. This is not the first time I have had this thought.

I need to really get myself going if I want to get out of
Fargo and move forward with me life. Here is a list of what
I need to accomplish.

1. Finish my GIS work. 5-6 maps plus a final project.
2. Finish my Mitigation paper. 12-15 pages plus a breakdown
of two mitigation plans.
3. Turn these both into Dr. Yoon and determine if I can get
a passing grade in his class.
4. Finish the class I am currently in, preferably with an A.
5. Get to work on my final paper. Get it done as quickly as
possible.
6. Find a fourth member for my committee. So I can graduate.
7. Graduate, get my M.S. in Emergency Management.
8. Find a job.
9. Move out of Fargo, preferably back to the Ohio area or
somewhere close.
10. While these things occur, get back in shape and get my
life back in order. This includes working out, getting back
on a good sleep schedule, and if possible, trying to eat better.

A lot to do. The most important detail of all this is that
I WILL NOT LET MY ANXIETY DISABLE ME. I AM STRONGER THAN
THESE SUPERFICIAL PROBLEMS AFFECTING ME. AS I FINISH MY
WORK, MY PROBLEMS WILL GO AWAY. I WILL MOVE FORWARD, I WILL
LIVE, I WILL BE HAPPY. I CAN BE SUCCESS AND I CAN DO WHAT
IT TAKES. I AM STRONGER THAN MY BLADDER. I AM STRONGER
THAN MY BRAIN. I CONTROL MY BODY, MY BODY DOES NOT CONTROL ME.