~Torn~

Forbidden Love
2010-02-14 05:00:45 (UTC)

Trying not to be angry...

So it has been a long time since I have written, but that
doesn't mean i haven't been thinking of "him".
Today as a matter of fact I was cleaning out a closet when
I found a wedding video from my first marriage. I married
this guy a couple of months after "he" told me he was
getting married... WE should have been married... I saw
his mom in the video and almost cried...yes, his family
continues to be friends of mine. Anyway... the whole time
I'm watching this video I'm seeing that I'm not truly
happy I'm settling, ANYONE that sees the video can see
that. The guy was awful, and later ended up being crazy! I
had the amazing dress, I looked so pretty, the songs were
perfect... I just had the wrong groom...Needless to say I
got a bit angry...I'm smiling now and calling him a poopie
head for not choosing me. I'm sure he call's him self that
too, his ex ended up leaving him for a chic. Revenge is
sweet...LOL... Naw I felt so bad for him when I found that
out, but it should have been me not her after all. Well I
still think about what it might be like if WE would have
made the choice differently back then..."he" know this,
I've told him... I just get mad that we didn't have that
chance, and that thoughts of it creep up in my life
now ...a lot! I miss talking to "him" so much, but man
that would make all this all the more difficult. I saw a
new picture of "him" recently. Suit and tie, holding a
bible...can't very well think unpure thoughts about a man
holding a bible now can ya? I hope he is well, I hope his
family is well...and Damn I wish I WAS his family...but
such is my life...
On a different note even thought "he" has been on my mind
a lot, my husband and I have been trying to get back on
track. We often de-rail, but it's going alright for now.
No problems from the past on his end he is trying to pay
attention to me. I do love him... like I said I do love
both of these men deeply...I wonder if I would miss my
husband if "he" called me to run off with him? Hummmm...




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