Goos2134

Craigs Mind
2010-02-14 04:09:14 (UTC)

this night sucked

Well its saturday at 11 pm. i miss jordan. carter just makes
me miss her more. i just look at him and see her. im so
tired of missing her. i wish i didnt. but how do u just quit
loveing someone. how do u just turn off feelings ? even
jordan i think relized that. she spent a month denying that
she had any feelings and it took her one week to relize
there something there what ever it is. she seems fine now
though when i talk to her. but who knows cuz i really dont
know the truth of whats going on with her and him. he coulda
worked his magic back already and she just dont wanna tell
me. i dont know anything really anymore. my head just hurts.
i wanna freak out but i dont know how. the only thing i know
how to do it to hide it from everyone and act like im ok.
thursday i have no idea how much i drink nor do i really
know how i got home. that scares me. but how else do i get
rid of the pain and the hurt. nothing else helps and yeah it
may only be a help for a while but those few hours r worht
it sometimes. i dunno. hopefully talking to someone helps.
cuz i honestly sometimes just wish i would not wake up. i
cant pay my bills i can barely buy food for dude to eat. i
have never felt like more of a failure in my life. and
jordans right why couldnt i figure out what she needed from
me earlier but then again would it have helped or would it
have delayed the point we r at. who knows if thats even a
reason or more of just an excuse and this katie shit is
really what shes pissed off about. i really dont know. i
believe i will never get a nother chance to prove my side of
whats gone wrong so i dunno what to do. i just wanna quit.




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