Goos2134

Craigs Mind
2010-02-13 01:29:16 (UTC)

I am so confused

I am so confused now. So im not sure what happened with
jordan and douche. but i guess hes gonna move out. i had
been talking to a psycholigist over the phone through my
work but jordan thinks i should see someone in person. shes
gonna go see one too. im very happy about that cuz i really
feel she needs to get some stuff out to a neutral party. no
matter what the outcome is it will be good for her. she came
by my work today to pick up a check. man was that hard. i
just wanted to pull her out of the car and hug her and kiss
her and tell her how much i miss her and love her. but she
asked me to suprisiling not voice my feeling about her to
her for a minute. so i will honor her request if it helps
her out. i just hope shes not lying to me about him. if she
really wants to find some sorta happiness then she needs to
do this on her own for now. and i hope that in a couple
weeks her head clears a lil bit and she relizez she does
miss ME and wants to work slowly at makeing our family whole
again. no matter im expecting the worst hopeing for the
best. theres alot of hurt that needs to be cleared up and
with both of going to counceling and just talking it may be
a bridge to both of sitting down and finally talking this
all out. i hope that i can get more in touch with my
feelings and my affection that i wanna share. the one thing
i learned on the phone is that im afraid to expose my
feelings due to the fear that they will be used to hurt me.
and they r right i never wanna have a feeling or an emotion
used against me. i laugh because i wonder if im a wierd
depressed person who doesnt look or act it but deep inside
is depressed and needs pills. who knows guess if i do i will
get them see how they help. i just know if i ever get the
chance to make it right between me and jordan it will not be
wasted on half assed attempts. i just wanna take her and
watch fireworks and hold her from beind. i think that would
heal alot. anyways i will keep u journal updated on my
progress as i learn about me and maybe even get a rare
chance to learn to love my wife and treat her the way i she
should be all over again.




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