unsure, scared and silent

life as i see it...
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2010-02-11 21:57:00 (UTC)

Entry Two

I woke up today at like 1:30 pm. I haven't been up too long.
But for the time I have been up I've felt like crap. It's
nothing new of course. I feel like crap all the time. I hate
it. Every time I try to pull myself out of my crappy state I
end up in tears though. This morning I woke up with the
mindset that I was going to eat a healthy diet today to make
up for yesterday's binging. Well that didn't happen. I ended
eating like every thing in the house. I keep binging and I
know it has to be emotional binging, but I just can't place
what emotion is causing it. I mean I feel like crap, but
it's like I'm numb really. It's like I don't really feel
anything at all, like I'm just here going through the
motions. Well at least I just binged. I could have gotten
rid of every thing I binged on like usual, but I'm trying to
stop that. It's really not healthy. Vomiting doesn't even
make me feel better. I end up crying and hating myself even
more afterward. It's just hard. I keep having to like fight
myself on every thing. It's like I have two personalities or
something. Both of course are complete opposites. But they
each have one thing in common--I hate both of them. Well
this is gonna have to be all for now. I don't want anyone
reading over my shoulder and my parents are just in the next
room. I'm a little paranoid when it comes to... well
Until next time...