Dear Me...
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2010-02-11 03:56:39 (UTC)

A bit about me....

Im only 21, married, and have 5 kids(yes they all have the
same father who is my husband)! I would of discribed my
life as perfect until 2 years ago. Life was great I had
my husband and my kids thats all I could ask for was us
togather. Truthfully we were have finacial issues but not
horrible. I was raised that your family always stayed
togather and makes descions togather. Apparently my
husband was not...I still remember the day he told me he
was going to join the military. I was heartbroken and
tried talking him out of it. I had just recently b4 that
found out that I was pregnant with our 5th child. All of
our kids was born prematurely and I knew to expect that
with this one also. I depended on my husband more then he
knew and I unfortunally still do to this day its one of my
biggest faults I think(now ne way). He never once asked
me if I thought he should join He just came home one day
and TOLD me he was going to. I truly begged him and cried
until I fell asleep. I even told him I would divorce him
if he did. In the end he still joined and left me 5
months pregnant with 4 kids to take care of I was put on
bed rest 6 months into my pregnancy and also had weekly
shots to prevent preterm labor. I felt horrible and let
down I needed him so badly and he left me like he didn't
even care that I needed him that the kids needed him! My
kids feel let down and truthfully I beleive that 3 of them
are depressed. My 3 year old crys almost everyday wanting
her daddy who she hasnt seen since new years eve! Our
only son doesnt' even really know his own daddy. which is
heartbreaking to me. To top it off March will be the year
anniversy of him cheating on me. When I found out I
thought I was going to die I just wanted it all over with
and what blows my mind is that I only found out about it
because the sister of the(lets refer to her as "fat cow")
sent me a myspace message of all things and the only
reason she did was because "my retard"(husband)told them
he was not going to leave me for "fat cow"! I did get my
divorce paperwork prepared after this...but I still have
not filed...Im scared to I do love him even tho hes hurt
me and the kids so much! He does have wonderful qualites
and Im scared that I would make the wrong decision!

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