A Day in the Life
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2010-02-10 11:46:44 (UTC)

The Girl(s)

I love women. And I'm a die-hard romantic and I believe
that there is a special someone for everyone. I don't
believe there is one and only one person for everyone, but I
do believe that there are very compatible matches for
everyone. I also am not really sure if I have found mine yet

There have been a few women that I have loved, but as I've
gotten older I'm beginning to reevaluate what I think love
is and what is really important in life.

I am currently seeing Dokia. We aren't exclusive but she is
the only person in my life right now I have any interest in.
I like Dokia, and I love hanging out and spending time with
her. She is fun to play darts with, board games, go on
walks, and just generally talk to.

I like taking care of Dokia and she likes being taken care
of. If I asked her to, she'd take care of my a lot more
often, but I don't know if she has really ever had anyone
take care of her and I like being that stand-up guy in her

I met her back in October 2008, a few months after I had
gotten here. Lisa and I were already fairly rocky and the
end was probably only just a matter of time. Lisa really
did love me though and I loved her. Maybe if I asked her to
move here things would have been different, but after we
broke up (and I did some snooping) I saw her saying some
very hurtful things about me. She complained about a lot of
things I never knew bothered her and it really hurt me. She
was engaged by February 2009 to a guy she'd only been dating
for a few weeks and knew was "the one." I am happy for her,
but I wish we had ended on better terms because I always
loved talking to her. She was great to talk to and very
understanding of all my faults, or so I thought.

I met Dokia when Lisa and I were on the rocks though and it
was pretty much the straw that broke the camels back. Lisa
was blond, cute, and very smart but with no ambition. Lisa
would be willing to make things work, but I felt like her
life was stalled and I was trying to move us both forward.
Now, when I first saw Dokia, I saw that she was a very
pretty girl, and I still think that to this day. I mean,
Dokia was a really good-looking girl who wasn't trying at
all to look good.

Now Dokia was outgoing, a languages major (very attractive),
and was a big proponent of chivalry (again, attractive).
She was talking to a mutual friend who was talking to me and
I was introduced. She was very cute, but odds are I
wouldn't see her again so I didn't think anything much of
it. As it just so happens, that night I was studying in the
library and ran into her and a guy friend of hers again.
They came and studied with us, and then when the library
closed we walked her home and ended up talking for a lot
longer outside her house.

It was immediately clear that I liked her and that she liked
me. She had a few things traits I was worried about, mostly
that she drank alcohol, that she was Catholic, and that she
was Ukrainian and by the sounds of it very proud of her

Since then, I have learned other things about her that I'm
not so found of. Top of the list: she can't sing. I mean
not at all. I think she might be tone deaf and I have a lot
of trouble seeing myself with someone that can't sing. But
in the long run, small problem to have. She loves to cook
and makes lots of Ukrainian dishes, but I am a notoriously
picky eater and that isn't a good combination for me.

She is a very beautiful girl, but could be a 10 if she took
care of herself. She is a little out of shape but not in
the least bit heavy. She has very dark hair and doesn't
primp herself like a lot of girls. Dark hairs show up on
her skin and she needs face waxes to take care of it, but
doesn't as often as she should. Hairy in other places
too...very much so.

But, the biggest fault of hers, above any of these, was that
she left me for another guy in August. She was really
falling hard for me and then went off to Catholic camp and
the realization that she was dating a non-Catholic hit her
hard. Three weeks later she was dating an army guy from NC
she met through a mutual friend that was also interested.
Within the first few days this ass told her that she was
"the girl of his dreams" and they started talking wedding
plans within weeks.


That right there is a huge huge reason not to take her back.
I mean, she was going to marry this total stranger on a
whim and gave up something really good in me.

Of course, he showed his true colors and she got wise to
him. He was using her for the physical stuff and almost
slept with her after seeing her three times. Damn near was
successful but "didn't fit" which I means either he didn't
know what he was doing or is super big. I'm hoping it is
the former. By the sounds of it, probably was.

The only good things are that Dokia realized what she had in
me and felt terrible about it and now is more willing to do
some things in the bedroom. *Nods* I'm pleased with the
direction that is heading, but definitely want to wait for
sex for marriage. Well, morally I do. I am a 25-year-old
guy and my libido doesn't really want to wait.

I'm with Dokia because it is convenient, because she makes
me happy and it makes my life easier. I'm honestly not sure
if we'd work out in the long run which is why I'm willing to
give her a chance. If I thought we had zero chance of
working, then I wouldn't bother. Well...probably wouldn't.

Still, when/if I finish this degree, I am going to have to
find a job. I want to work, probably in education, but I
want to stay in Fargo. I like my apartment and my
comfortable little life I have here. I'm set up and I have
my routines and I'm not eager to start all over again,
especially if I am not here or back in Dayton.

If I do leave though, odds are I won't take Dokia with me
and whatever we have will end. I think she knows it too but
neither of us are talking about it because if we both admit
it, we couldn't "date" like we are now. I say "date"
because while we haven't made it official, we are more or
less doing the exact same things we did before.

I feel bad I can't do more with her or for her but money is
tight and my bathroom problem makes me not want to do a lot
of things. I'd love to go to Minneapolis or Winnipeg or
Dickinson (her hometown) with her, but the bathroom thing
constantly limits my plans. It is very irritating.

Honestly, if it weren't for the bathroom problem, we'd hang
at her place more often, go out to coffee shops more often,
and I'd probably end up spending money I don't have. One
reason I didn't tickets to a show we both wanted to see the
other night is that I couldn't imagine sitting through a
two-hour show and not having to pee. God, it's just ruining
my life and I can totally see why people stay inside and cut
themselves off.

I really don't want that to happen, but until it goes away
or I can figure out how to beat it, I'm afraid I'm stuck
with the problem.