Brittany19

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Ezoic
2010-02-07 17:47:27 (UTC)

Life

Do you ever feel like your waiting on something great to
happen something so remarkably great that it changes your
inter out look on life.. Or is life really just a bunch of
false hopes that were giving at birth?

Ever feel like you were meant to do something great
something so great that your bones hurt and you heart
aches but in a good way in the way that you know only good
things can come of it almost as if its your calling your
reason on being in that specific place at that specific
time... I think we should all live though music i few
years ago i would have said my song would be I want to
feel something by Trace Adkins cause i didn't feel much of
anything. but now i think it would be breakdown by Seether
cause i do allot of that....

I don't feel pretty but people always tell me that i am i
just don't see it.. I don't feel smart but people always
say that i am... and if where not supposed to listen to
what others think about us and go with our own judgement
does that make me ugly and stupid?? and if so why would
they tell us to do that if its even a possibility? why do
i feel the constant urge to trust others options on the
matter's concerning me? why don't i make it my own chose?
is it to make myself feel better or it just because i have
allot of self doubt and it helps me find some sense of
happiness... I wanted to be a writer but i have a spelling
disorder so that was scratched. i wanted to be a artist
but i cant draw so no luck there. i wanted to sing but i
don't do that so well... i don't have a real talent but if
spurts of depression was a talent i would have master
it... I also hide emotions well does that count???? why is
it when i want to think of something clever and witty to
say i draw blanks and when i don't care smart stuff just
comes out and just rolls of my tongue naturally...

the truth is these are some of the questions I'm compelled
to ask myself everyday and yet i never find the answer to
them so i just hide behind people and smiles and laughs
wail inside I'm screaming and there's know way of fixing
it because i don't honestly know whats wrong with me or
what it is that makes me feel as though somethings got to
give.... I guess the meaning to all of this is what does
this mean???

Denial is not just a river in Egypt but is confusion a
river? if so I'm drowning in it!!! I need some type of
answer to all this madness... there's some stuff Ive just
pushed in the back of my mind that i try not to think
about but most of the time i can help it... like the day
my best friend was killed...

I was having a great day and at 3;30 pm my mom call me and
told me Nicole was hit by a car getting off the school bus
she told me Nicky was fine not to worry about it... but at
8:15 that night she came into my room crying and couldn't
spit the words out her hand was on her mouth and she was
hyperventilating after me saying mom mom whats wrong 30
times she hugged me and would let go and then she finely
said Brittany Nicole dyed.... i just looked at her and
said what she had to repeat it 3 times before i understood
her and then everything just stopped i didn't move or
speak i just sat there... i didn't even cry. in my head i
kept saying what no she is not this is a prank and a bad
one at that but after the tenth voicemail i left her i
just sat on the porch outside and rocked i kept my head in
my hands.... i still couldn't think... it was like
everything was in slow motion... but my mind was moving at
a rather fast pace. and then i started crying... It turned
out that Nicole died on impacted and that's why she didn't
answer the text message i sent her a 3:40... I couldn't
look at her at the viewing i started to but i got as far
as seeing her face and ran out of the church and sat on
the curb and cred... Why her she was only 13 and a month
away from her birthday?

Breakdown By: Seether
The sun is gone and the flowers rout words are spaces
between us and i should have been drowned in the rivers i
found of toke and lust and i should have been down where
you made me insurer so break me down if it makes you feel
right and hate me now if it keeps you alright ohhh you can
break me down if it takes all your might cause I'm so much
more then meets the eye.
and I'm the one you can never trust cause wounds are ways
to reveal us and yea i could have tyred and devoted my
life to both of us but would have wasted my time when the
world we had was yours you can break me down if it makes
you feel right and hate me now if it keeps you alright
ohhh you can break me down if it takes all your might
cause I'm so much more then all your lye's

hate me break me down

so break me down if it makes you feel right and hate me
now if it keeps you alright ohhh you can break me down if
it takes all your might cause I'm so much more then meets
the eye


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