ish

ish
2010-02-06 13:21:03 (UTC)

tired of trying....

faded from any real exsistance...others go on with
theirs...i have not made any effect or real
contributions...i fade from memories as others move on to
find their heart...there happiness....without thoughts of
any but self....i sit here in pain of many
sorts...alone...and i wonder ...how did it become like
this.....am i so pathetic....am i so boring...have i become
invisible.....my worthh not enough to place a wisper on
someones breath.......have i been so unforgivin...sooo
emcompassionate to reap the void i seem to be swallowed
by...my sister finds othhers to occupy her family
needs...other children her attentions gain...my children
forgotten...no volentteering to help no offer to sooth or
to gain knowledge of own blood relations...perhaps i should
not expect...but i have given of self...without
question...when in need i was giving...i was guilding...but
seems without second thought...only when you ares down and
out am i thought of..and not of what i may need..but of
what is needed for themselves.....i feel cheated as you
spend your evenings with others gaining light hearted ease
as i suffer...i resent your lack of appreciation...and your
greed for taking what was given perhaps freely....but with
thought that you would do the same when my heart was
low...but you leave...you find route to other places
without thought of helping ....i find you soo selfish...so
self involved...so empty in giving.....i resent your
thoughtlessness as i need so despartately for someone to
help me through my moment...through my hardships......how
above others you parade in your statuesque manner...as if
we are second class ....as if we are little and should not
be thought on..how sweet of you to feel yourself obligated
to give to my child a precious smudge..and your arrogant
warnings of fain affections...how i have given to
yours...how cheated i feel...alone...and why? am i so
wicked...i do not hold the grudge others would on those
that forget me so easily ...i did not do anything for
regaurd...only because i felt to...but hhow cheated i feel
in my giving...when so easlily forgotten...so....not as it
matters...i walk alone into the faded sun...leaving no
imprint....no second thought...no shadow...unto oblivion as
i fade and disappear forever from this relentless lonely
place.......




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