Life and Love
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2010-02-05 12:18:08 (UTC)

Broken hearted girl!

I've never felt so confused or alone in my life!
Everything has been taken away from me. Lost a part of my
family and left with hardly any friends. All because of
love! I was 14 when i fell in love, his name was Paul. He
was my sisters boyfriend when i fell, i know thats wrong
but i was younge and didnt understand, he made me feel
loved and if you knew my past (which i will tell you about
later on) then you'd understand. Paul started to text me
when my sister finished with him, telling me how much he
loves my sister and how nice i am and cute. At that time i
couldn't stop smiling. Around that time it wasn't so bad,
i was living with my mum and she started to let me go see
him and stay there by myself! He used to cuddle me all
night, i'd wait for him all day when he was at work,
couldn't wait for him to come back. One morning before he
left to go to work he gave me a kiss; i was shocked! I
still waited that night for him to come back, he didn't
come back for hours, he went to the pub. I ended up moving
into foster care somewhere in stanwell when i forgot about
him. Then i arrived back and there i was again.. Back in
love with him! It came to my 15th birthday when he got me
in his bed, i was drunk and silly! He told me he truly
loved me and he had never felt like that with anyone
before in his life, how much he loved me and doesn't want
to lose me. A 15 year old obviously is going to believe
that. A couple of months later around November, i found
out he was cheating on me with my sister Emma, i had to
find out myself he was never going to tell me. Just before
christmas i had taken an overdose of 130 co-codamol and 30
paracetamol. I nearly died, my mum was there with me the
whole time. Do you think he came and saw me ?! No!. I felt
so used and lost and destroyed. I still went back to him,
but then he was still with my sister cuddling her at
night, kissing her all day. I cant exsplaine how i felt at
that point. A couple of weeks later he Paul finished my
sister and came back to me. I was a fool and obviously let
him in. A year later i found someone else, an asian lad in
the same village as me, he had his own buisness and was
lovely. He exsplained what men are like, how they work and
how they use you. I ended up dating him for 6 months but
because of Paul we didn't work. he got in the way of
everything. To this day i still speak to Paul and the
Asian boy, i dont know why i do because speaking to them
both is still Screwing me up inside. Maybe in the future i
will be happy!