Isolate Land of Pukalicious
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2010-02-05 10:56:49 (UTC)

The same road but different point of view

I used to have the diary here many years ago, and it's the first
diary online of mine. The place I've found someone who became
a part of my life. The part that I never realised it does my head
in and hurts me like hell. My feeling to get back here is some
kind of reunion, but it's the reunion of me and another me, if you
know what I mean anyway. I stopped updating my dairy here
and decided to stuck somewhere else because I fancied the new
things. I compared it like a little naive girl walked into the new
place, the fancy one, lots of lights carried her walk along and
convinced her to believe that it's the right place for her to live in.
Aye she's really excited for all these things, but days after days..
she found out it's not her place, it's not that her and luckily
during her journal she bumped into the old place she used to live
and discovered the old things she used to be addicted. And right
now she is here, typing or speaking to you again, aye thats
naive girl is me, nope I should used the past tense like; aye
that's naive girl was me because I don't think that I am really
naive anymore [even it happens on occasions]. But re-building
the diary here, it doesn't mean that I'd absolutely kick that my lovable Iris out of my way. I just want this is a simply version of
my thoughts/life.

I usually get the remind from the site about how long I haven't
updated my [old] diary and I just seriously took a look at the
latest entry I updated, that's happened in 2007, oh my goodness
it's almost three yeas ago.. but truthfully, I don't want to say
that i updated or kept the old one alive that much in 2007. I
think the year that I often visited here happened back in 2005..
that's the truth, I can tell. But anyone cares when the last time I
updated my old one here? I am pretty sure there's none.

I read Steven's really death one today as I bumped into it
accidentally. In fact, I am pretty sure that it's gone somewhere
else or they aren't allow his diary alive or something as I usually
once searched his in the past but one day it's gone therefore I
really thought it's death or something. Do you want to know
what I see from his diary hindsight? Aye, I really think that I
was stupid at the time, I didn't even see the truth laid in front of
me from what he said in his diary. He got back to Beccy even
before I confessed to him that I did like him more than just
friend. I wonder right now that why or what's the exactly reason
he hided me the truth and continued telling me he does feel
exactly the same as me. I know that at the time I was a little
girl who was really nice to him [I really was to be honest but it
doesn't mean that I am a bitch with him at the moment] I was
the girl who listened to him at the time, I might be someone he
could talk anything with. This is might be the reason when he
knew that I liked him more than just a good friend, he
considered to hide the truth from me, until I found it out myself.
I used to blamed him about this many times back in the years
and kept asking him the same old question/the only one word is
'Why?' and I've gotten various answers from him and I thought I
really know now what are the truly reasons why he kept this
away from me.. they are these;

ฺ 1st - He doesn't want to lose someone who listened to him/be
someone who can related to his stories of life.

2nd - He can't handle the long distant relationship as he wants
to do couple things. If you really know what the true meaning
behind this reason. I'd give you a biggest kiss for this.

Now I am back to the same old road I once used to walk on, but
I look at it in the very different visions. It seems like I am back
here to resolve the things that I once did them wrong, just want
things to be right, I am afraid. And coming back this time, I
wish, so wish that I will find the same old Puk back, lovely Puk
whom is really happy without worries riding her head. I miss her
to death. I admit.

Until next time..