Dreams Don't Come True
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2010-02-02 20:28:48 (UTC)

Letter To Olly

I need you to stay away from me, I can't cope anymore. I
bottle all my feelings of anger toward you and then they
just explode like they did on monday outside science. I
just don't want you to get hurt by me. Just stay away from
me, don't call me Wolton, don't smile at me, don't talk to
me, don't laugh at my dancing. Because when you do thats
when you make me feel special, and this whole thing has
been going on so long now that I hate you. I hate you for
your life being perfect, your alright. While I'm the one
having to fake a smile everyday for the past 1 year and
when I'm falling apart inside. And then I remember why I
love you and I cry, or have a panic attack. I panic that
I've made you think I'm even more of a weird freak, that
you hate me. And I can't breath and I close my eyes and
wish for you, but wishes never come true. It's just a
vicious circle, I get angry with you and I hate you, then
I cry and I love you. You change my life, you are my life.
You went out with Charlotte Bunton so i thought you liked
blondes, so I dyed my hair blonde. I wore make-up to make
you think I was prettier, I used people, I made friends
with people from Bar Hill only because they knew you and
could tell me more about you. I starved myself, eating
only 400 calories a day so I could be thinner like Anna. I
even abused my mum and hit her until she would move house
to Bar Hill so I could live nearer you. I gave up so much
for you, and you didn't even care. On monday I cried all
through Science and Geography, 2 hours of tears, because
of you. And you know I have other problems besides you
too. Half my friends including my best friend think I'm
just some weird freak mental depressed emo girl, because
of you. Even my own mum, my only real family kicked me out
my own home because she couldn't bare living with me, some
crying violent freak she had to call her daughter. I've
lost my friends, my family, everyone I care about, because
I love you. And I really do love you, and it feels like I
always will, but unless you stay away from me it's going
to be this way for the rest of my life. Please, I never
ever asked you for anything before, just stay away so I
can get my life back and sorted out again.

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