Constant: continuing without pause
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2010-01-30 11:20:07 (UTC)

The ride has taken turns and im letting go.

I told garrett once he broke up with brooklyn to let me
know if he does find interest in anyone else.
Ive been thinking about him and I lately a lot..and im
letting go. Letting my grip loosin.
He admitted to me the other day he has feelings for his
friend mackenzie. I knew it. Theyve been hanging out a
lot..of course something was to spark. and..Im ok with it.
I do still like him..but im honestly done putting so much
into him and not getting any feelings back.
My friend Josh A. yesterday asked about him (josh and I
havent hung out in forever) I said how im over it and he
doesnt like me anymore. Josh said "but he always could
like you again..its usually what happens with us guys."
and..thatd be awesome. I would LOVE to have a relationship
with garrett but for now..Im letting him do his own
thing..while I focus on rebuilding my relationship with
the one who deserves it most, God. I have lost so much
love and trust in him its horrible. I need him before I
can have anyone.

Work has been good but im finding a new job, since season
has been over, my hours have been cut from 40 a week
I need to get into school next quater (which now i decided
agaisnt garretts school) I will be going with ryann to the
school near us.

My eating disorder is..I dont know. I dont even notice it
anymore.but its still there.
Ive bought digestive pills now..so if I do eat..my body
will at least digest it faster and im trying to work out
Im working on it...I have faith in God it will not
controll me one day.
I pray everynight.

SO..thats how my life ride has been. and im letting
go..enjoying it..going on random adventures with my
friends..seattle, alki, or just 4 hours drives to farm
land and running up on amazing lake resorts.

Eric and I still email eachother and I am finally bringing
US up. I mentioned in the last email how I do miss being
with him..its been almost a year since hes been
gone..about 3 more months.
another year and hes back and I dont know where either of
us will be...I can picture us together..but im of ahead
the game here.

we'll see where this ride is by then.