2010-01-27 19:26:24 (UTC)


Is it bad that I was hoping Bryan would be at morning
program on Monday? Is it bad that when he wasn't, I was
slightly disappointed?

Miguel has been being an amazing boyfriend. He's doing
everything he can to keep me. He knows that if the
relationship were to suddenly end, I would be the one to
break it off. I think I just have to attempt to begin to
accept the fact that what I felt for Bryan was intense,
head-over-heels, love. I was enamored to say the least. He
was my first love. I fell in love quickly and my feelings
only grew stronger. What's going on now is that I feel
guilty that my feelings for Miguel don't match the
feelings I had for Bryan. Miguel is in love with me, but I
can't say the same.

To be honest, I don't understand why I'm not in love with
him. He's sweet and all I could ever ask for in a

The thought of binging and purging briefly crossed my
mind, but I'm not going to do it. I know I can't, and I
know it's wrong.

I have a doctor's appointment next Friday. Hopefully
things will get sorted out and I can start seeing a
counselor soon.

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