A daily confession
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2010-01-27 15:19:58 (UTC)

present 2

I just had the Socialservice lady on the phone and she
told me that they will take a large amount of the money
away that they give me every month.
All of that just because S has not moved out of my flat
yet. I was calm with her on the phone but the second thing
I did was call S and tell him off so badly that I have no
voice anymore.
For 6 years I paid bills late because he promised to give
the money and then did not. I got reminders and payment
orders and he never cared. I lost my mobile number because
he made calls on my phone abroad to the States and never
paid for it. Two phone companies would not give me a
number without me depositing cash. My credit card got
taken away as I could not pay even the minimum for months.

He always made promises and never followed them up. I kept
believing in him, not in the promises, and he failed. But
he told me many times that I'm just a little girl that
knows nothing of life and that I should not make a fuss
over such small things and that noone with money or wealth
would ever even consider going out with me because of my
family and the lack of contact with my family. He said I
was lucky he didn't toss me away yet.

Yeah he grew up rich, very rich... Where did it all go his
parents money? He used it up. And that in itself is such a
monstrosity that I don't even want to think about it now.

I told him somany times that we should invest and do
business but I was always the inferior brain who knows
nothing of business and life. He knows how and where to
invest. As I refused to go on the difficult trips to
underdeveloped countries with a small baby it is my fault
that he could not invest. It is all always my fault.

And if it cannot be blamed on me or that I don't talk to
my family it is his health. He is always sick. He is never
feeling well. And everyone has to be nice and careful so
he does not get stressed or disturbed.


I'm angry and sad and I want to scream and cry but I can't
because there are two little children that look at me and
don't understand why mommy is so sad. So I swallow, smile
and wait until I'm alone... :-(

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