My Life
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2010-01-22 04:34:20 (UTC)

I hate this

Ok so i dated him for 2 months and fell in love with him in
such a short amount of time. That was almost 11 months ago
and here i am still not over him. Whats keeping me attached
to him for so long?

Everyone says i dont want to let go and they're right, he's
the only person in this life that ive ever felt completely
open with and have never been able to hold anything back.
He makes me feel so safe and secure whenever he's around
and i swear when he looks at me i die.

But the thing is I hate how his smile makes me melt.
I hate how when i see him my heart skips a beat. (cheesy
I hate how when he touches me it automatically makes me the
happiest girl in the world.
I hate how no matter how much i try i cant get over him.
I hate i think about him non-stop 24/7.(or at least in the
hours im awake)
Most of all i hate how much i love him.

Its crazy how one person can pretty much decide my mood for
the day.

A few weeks ago he hugged me and i was completely ecstatic
and the next day he wasnt at school and i was in the worst
mood until i saw him at a football game that night and he
hugged me(right in front of his girlfrind) and i was once
again ecstatic.

He has been my life for the past year and i dont know if i
can or even want to go back to how it was before i met him.
Knowing he is out there somewhere possibly completely happy
with another girl kills me inside.

I'm not the person to show my feelings...if i cry where
someone can see me then its major and if i cry i feel
helpless and all alone.

But lately thinking about him makes me cry the most i have
in a veryyy long time.

But who knows maybe it wasnt meant to be and i just have to
accept that, but i know one thing, letting go and moving on
will be the hardest thing i will ever do in my entire life.


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