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2010-01-19 23:57:09 (UTC)

wednesday 20th january 2010

Heeeeeeey (:
Todays been okayish.
I'm grounded, which sucks alot. But won't be to long
untill I can go back out. I miss smokes, weed, alcohol and
my friends.
This is my first diary entry on this site. I'm abit
worried about what to say.
For those of yous who is reading this and don't know me,
than you should probally stop cause you wont understand me
and my life.
Okay about me and my life:
I'm 16 my D.O.B is 11th July 1993, I currently am not
enrolled in a school but I'm hoping to go to hagly this
I have 3 half sisters and 1 full sister. I also have a mum
and a dad. but i don't live with either of them.
I've been through a lot in my life. and its not getting
any better.
I have been seeing things from my past lately things that
i tried sop hard to forget but clearly not heard enough.
When i was seven my dad Sexually abused me so i moved in
with my mum whom not long had gotten out of jail for
drugs, I thought living with my mum would be awesome, But
all I remember was watching her inject her self every day
with drugs, and she would get mad so easily and hurt me
and my full sisterv (emily). She would always tell us to
lay on the road and get ran over she hated us.
After like two weeks of living with mum i got sexually
abused again by her best friend. Sucks. When i started
high school i thought cool i can get aways from home more
and be safe with my friends but nothing changed i got real
depresed and cut myself alot, I also got a stalker in year
9 Who eventually left me alone untill i was in year 10 he
raped me.
I'm doing okay now, i dont cut as often Every month or so.
But i hate my scares but then i love them at the same time.
I've tried to kill my self so many times but i just dont
die, wanna kill me for me? Please do.
I'm abit addicted to weed atm just cause my mum got me
kind of hooked :/ I would like to stop smoking it. I hate
feeling empty minded. But I'm afraid to incase i start
cutting really bad again.

Now enough about that.
Time for todays entry:

Wednesday, 20th January 2010
This morning i woke up covered in tea, cause i had feel
asleep drinking it (: I was so sticky and smelt funny :P
It was awful. I then had a shower (so peaceful) wanted to
stay in their forever!
Once i was dressed i then rememebred that i was grounded
and couldn't go anywhere. Then i clicked!!! I realised
that being grounded wont be to bad, I wont EAT!! Cause my
stupid friends wont be at me all the time telling me to!
Yay! cool !
So now as i'm sitting here my tummys grooowling! But i
love that feeling. I'm still fat even though i dnt eat
regually but when i do decide to eat again i binge so i
never actually get perfect! But i will be one day
Anyways back to my day......
I went for a drive with geoff, and he was spazzing at me
about my addiction'z and of course i denied them. He then
wouldnt let me get out and walk instead he grabed my arm
and held it it fucking hurt so much the mother fucker.
today wasnt that interesting.
but thats about it.


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