fernandoreyna

fernando's journal
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2010-01-16 03:04:02 (UTC)

prayer

heavenly father on this evening i thank thee because you
help me out when it was hard for me even to give one steep
more and because you forgive all my sins and blessed me as i
i were a faithful person , and because you didn't mind all
the perversions that run every day in my mind and you decide
to give the same chance to progress as you do to every one,
i thank thee because now i can be more optimistic in my
future, i know i won't get rich in my new job but at least
give hope to keep fighting to move forward, i ask thee
forgiveness because every time i'm having difficulties i
just can't stop asking you for help and forgiveness and i
just swear that i won't be the same any more, and that i'll
finally be what you are expecting me to be but as soon you
clear my day i just forget how useless I am and go back to
the old ,not even willing to pray to you any more and even
lazy to do it, and willing to sin as i never had chance
before. i know that you know that if i were good looking i
would be so sunk on my selfishness and in sin, and pride so
is ok that i'm not good looking. because even though girls
don't find me attractive i seek for pleasure with all my
strength. i just hope that one day a were able to no offend
you with my thoughts, and wishes, i am also so sorry for the
bad our relationship is now. and i know is my fault, you
have always been there to help me and you have always been
there when i needed you but, at some points i believed that
the way you were molding my life wasn't fair,i don't know if
is fair or what exactly your plans are for me when you do
all those things happened in the way that happened to me, i
just can't see the end of the things since the beginning
like you do, and i just decide that being obedient to your
will wasn't worth of it, and that being conscious of you
will, will not or haven't brought any good to my life. and
that my life wouldn't be any better if i struggle every day
on to do the basic things i know i have to do. more over
than mindless to you people was doing better in life that i
do. heavenly father i just want to say: don't be mad at me
because the careless i been in communicating with you ,
communication is a issue for me. look the way I am with my
mom you know i love her i do so to my dad you know i want
them to be proud of me and I want to come back home soon
with a beautiful wife or grand son . and that i wnat to
visit home full of success and money to pay back, all the
money my that invest on me when sending me at this country
or the time i crash his truck and he bail me out of yield
you know i wish i could make up to my dad all those things
he did for me and still some times i just don't call home
and hardly ever i say i love you to him thanks for all you
done for me. so sorry if most of the time i'm the same way
with you . i know that being this way has always been worse
for me. and that you are doing good up there in colob. so
don't be mad at me for that. or just see how i am with
Arturo you know i love that friend i can hang out with him
all day and still he missed me and told me to call him, so i
did. other wise that for sure haven't happened yet if he
haven't ask me to call him. heavenly father i also want to
ask you for strength to keep me out of that perverse
influence which is probably me . and start being a good
spiritual boy , as i was before my mission and the first
days after my mission, help me to rise one more time my
goals and work harder to reach them, because even though i
think i have goals , i haven't get any where yet with my
current efforts , help me to draw close to you spirit again
, and feel that happiness you spirit gives, and being able
to enjoy listening to you prophet, as i did when i serve
for you in Tijuana i haven't felt the same when i hear your
prophet ever since and i know is because i am not close to
you bless me this day so i can do good and help me to
remember to pray to you every day and learn of you Gospel i
ask you this thing in te name of Jesus Christ amen


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