fernando's journal
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2010-01-14 08:52:45 (UTC)

today's pray

well, since i been taught to pray every day but, i actually
never do it, i did it ,back on my mission but all my sins
right after going back home are preventing me to talk to
him. feeling unworthy to any kind of answer or not
position to ask to the some one that has giving me
everything, i have to confess i feel exited about writing
down what i wanna say to god and i'm pretty sure that is it
going to draw me closer to him which is something i been
looking for all my life but my many sins never allow me any
way is also a feeling that i'm a prophet and since my other
new year resolution is having journal i think i'll just make
one more resolution which is pray every day and been here
every day writing my journal is gonna help a lot

heavenly father. i wanna thank you this day for the
blessings i had all this time, I thank you for the pushing
you gave me through Osvaldo to be self sufficient, and get
my car fix, and also i thank you for the amazing example i
can see on my roommates and how the handle to live in this
world with out getting sink on the vanity of it, and i thank
you because you haven't let me go illegal in this country
even though i has made so many wrong decisions about school,
and i have procrastinated my education, and the paper work
required in order to get in the college. but i thank you
because i have a nice apartment and food and a place to
worship you , anyhow . i'm overwhelmed by all the expenses
are on my shoulders for this English school i'm going just
to keep me legal is it almost a year i owe in tuition and i
have no money and if i ever get accepted in college i have
to paid david first or i don't get my transfer to college.
and i have no money saved you know it makes sad i got send
back to home from work today because my fake social didn't
work and i have coming up pay my car fixings and
registration and safety emission inspection and i need to
get my driver license and yet four months to save the 4000
by summer if i'm thinking on going back to school i just
don't know how is this going to happen, i'm sorry be such
complainer with out even be mindful of the blessings you
give me, but is just that right now i don't know what to
write down, i know how annoying is some one that you trying
to help and is not thankful. sometimes i just turn my back
to them and stop helping them because i'm not getting any
thanks and i'm in pain because i don't like thinking that
i'm making you feel the same way, but is not my intention
been un thankful, i just have so much feelings about my
poor situation. but i know that you has giving me so many
moments of happiness real happiness and ididn't thank you
even though it cross by my mind to kneel down and thank you
for that beautiful moments but i'm so thank for all that.
heavenly father lead my steps tomorrow so i can get set up
in my job and ready to work right away. help me to think
what is the best moment to do it. touch my employers hearth
so they can help me to make it easy. and be willing to be
flexible with the documents i need to give them, help them
to put away any bad feeling about hiring me since they have
so many illegals working with them what difference can
possible make one more. also heavenly father give the
intelligence and energy to do a good job and help me to
learn my job quickly. heavenly father i don't know yet by
what means i'll paid mi tuition by summer but help me to
give priority to my paper work specially my English test and
then once i get accepted, open my mind so i can see the way
to pay off my debt and college i'm so sorry for smoking weed
yesterday i know that is one more of my weak sides, but i
have a strong side which is to say no to alcohol let me use
it for weed too, and i'm sorry for my endless problem of
masturbation i don't know if i ever be able to overcome it
but i'm 26 turning 27 that is 12 years hook in that i hope
you in stead of cursing me for that addiction help me out to
find a wife so i can settle down and start my family which i
know is about time to do that, father i'm so glad that this
feeling is in my hear, i would like to offer you this new
year resolution i have about getting engaged in this year,
so you can know my thinking an lead me on my goal and help
me out and forgive my sins and find me worthy to reach that
with your help comfort my soul because today and tomorrow
is going to be a important day and don't let me lost the
faith and trust in you and the future only because i'm such
an idiot and a sinner but help me to trust that you know my
destiny and is better of anything i ever dream of and you
are leading me there help me to believe this and cheer me
up, and remind me to be clean from now on there are so many
feelings in my heart so many sins i would like to be
forgived i you know them all and there are so many things i
need and not even i know that i needed but you do, i ask you
for this leaving this night amazed for how close to you
these prayer draw me. and willing to let the same every day
happen till you and i really became father and son and i
develop the love to you as i do to my brothers and i ask
you this things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.