Delta johny

My everyday
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2010-01-12 07:39:44 (UTC)

Why do i start what i can not finish

I always seem to choose the one i can't have. I have plenty
of choices for a relationship but always end up falling for
the one i wont ever get to keep. I fell pretty hard for this
one knowing she will be leaving in just a few weeks. Of
course it all started long before this but only got to this
stage a couple weeks ago. She has already left once before
but there was nothing between us. Not then and i didnt plan
on there being anything. We have talked about her leaving
and its no big deal she needs to go to school. But we both
have alot of emotional feelings for one another.
This is started tonight when i was talking to her over
the phone after she had left to go home. We were talking and
she mentioned another guy where she is headed that she fools
around with and how its nothing just friends that hook up
sometimes. Yet when we are laying in bed together she never
wants to fool around because "it will make it more
complicated"? I just don't see how that's right. Leaving me
with nothing to give everything to another man she doesn't
have any feelings for. I don't know if i am just being dumb
about the whole thing but it does hurt me. She comes back in
a few months for summer and knowing she was with another guy
and not with me makes me feel like a place holder until she
goes back. I am very picky when it comes to woman which
sucks a lot of the time because it leaves me alone.
I just can't figure out what to do with her. Do i keep
going with this "thing" that we have going or should i end
it now and move on. My buddy's would all say to leave
because im not getting any. And that is why i don't ask,
truthfully that isn't the problem for me, it's that another
person IS. I really wouldn't care if i didn't and neither
did someone else. But i do because he does. Now i am
emotionally involved in this situation and believe the best
way to deal with it is to break it off. But what if she goes
back and decides not to hook up with him because of me now.
Then it would be worth it to me. Maybe ill stay in it for
one more conversation to see if she is planning on it or
not. If she is i'm out.........

Sincerely,

Just another broken heart


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