Constant: continuing without pause
Im not who I once was..Im not who I am.
I spent the day at my dads yesterday.
For some odd reason all I could think about was eric.
Last time I was at my dads I was texting eric. We hadnt had
sex yet but he did fool around. I remember teasing him over
text that I thought he was my step brother, because my
brothers were there and will looked and acted a lot like
eric.He ended up sending me a picture of him at work to
prove it wasnt him. ( I still have that picture)
I feel like everything between him and I was something sick
I made in my head, something that never happened.
All day I felt that way. Once I got home I didnt even want
to talk to anyone but ended up going to hang out.
The night got way better and Ryann and I brought up our sec
life (but thats usual) but I said at one point "Im glad it
was eric, really" and she replied "Me too, he was good to you"
and it is true. I look back and smile, laugh, tease,
whatever about how we acted. We were so funny.
He gave me piggy back rides in safeway while fighting, he
sang secretly to me, he quoted step brothers with me while
making out, had me slide across silk bed sheets cause he
said it was fun, tried to teach me to drive his jeep, took
me 4 wheeling and tried to teach me that too, he gave me
sooo many memories, I can go on forever really. I miss him.
But mostly, I miss that fun. I miss a real relationship. I
want that with garrett so badly but im afraid as well he
isnt grown enough for it.
He will be moving into his own place soon, maybe he is
grown, maybe I need ot give that a chance but im unsure. my
feelings for him are sure but the reality isnt..but whens
reality control love?
Thats one thing Ive always believed..love isnt controllable.
if its meant..its meant..reality is merely your plans while
life is taking its course..once your on a ride you dont tell
it how to go..it goes by itself..thats reality..so just let
it happen and see where it takes you.
Tomorrow morning im suppose to go to garretts before
work..but he fell asleep early tonight im guessing so idk
how early to go tomorrow or if he even remembers..
Ill text him when i wake up or try to call him too.