Torrance the Vamp

The Vamp's Mind
2009-12-21 03:46:30 (UTC)

Life Sucks Sometimes

Just when you think you're in the clear and your happy
because you just avoided a cataclysmic event and everything
seems to be going well.

Shit happens.

And you go fuck.

And I can't have anything good in my life without something
really bad happening.

I need 227 and CSE to come to a 3.6 average. Or I'm on
academic probation. But was I good enough in those two?

I wanted to hold your hand today. And I told you so. And
then you reached for my hand. And I wanted to take it. But I
shrunk away. Because it'd be wrong.

If I asked my dad. Would he say yes?

No he wouldn't.

But I think I'll ask anyway. Because I really want you. I
really want you. And you really want me to.

I don't love you...yet. But there are times I really want to
say it. I really want to mean it. And when I do I will say
it. I know I say "aww but we still love you" sometimes. That
doesn't count. When I really mean it, I will say it.

I want to kiss you.

I want to hold you hand.

I want you to love me.

Mom keeps asking me what I want for Christmas. I once
answered jokingly that I wanted a boyfriend. She laughed and
said no.

I think...that I could almost sneak around with you.

I don't think it'll come to that.

Not because they'll say yes. But because I couldn't deal
with the repercussions of that. I couldn't make my family go
through that again.

I am not my sister.

My brother isn't me.

I am not my mother.

I am me.

I'm starting to get a vague idea of who I am.

I'm starting to figure myself out.

Things are starting to make sense.

I think you mellowed me out.

Thanks.




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