nin137

The Shoe Tree

i didn't really know what a shoe tree was until i had to
find one. actually, i knew what it was, i just didn't know
that that was what it was called...if that makes sense. a
shoe tree (well rather a pair of shoe trees) is what you put
in your shoe to keep its form. (actually it's much more
than that as i'd soon find out).

so i thought to myself, shit, no problem, i'll just hope
over to the local shoe repair store and grab a shoe tree.
15 mins later as the 180 yr old man took an excruciatingly
long time to search through his inventory i got what i
would be hearing a lot from here on out, "we don't have your
kind of shoe trees" i thought it was somewhat awkwardly
worded, almost as if there was racism for shoe trees..."we
don't take too kindly to your type of shoe trees around
here."

so this leads me to another repair store, and another, and
then finally i say 'fuck the little guy' it's time to go
big. so i go to target, not a fucking chance. then i got
to Ross. now a little side story about Ross...ross is the
shithole of american retail stores.

i walked in there and it looked like a hurricane had hit.
every aisle was littered with clothing. apparently, the
reason they can offer such low prices is because they just
don't give a fuck. i walked up to the only person i could
find that worked there (who was literally HIDING in the
changing room, i had to walk in and open a door into a stall
that i had watched her enter...she was in there just staring
at herself in the mirror). i asked her where the shoe trees
were.

hahahaha. i can only laugh that i was so naive as to think
that i'd get a resposne. i don't think she spoke any
english, i really don't. 5 frustrating minutes later i
walked out.

then finally i went to the local johnston and murphy...they
just had to have shoe trees! and that's where i learned
more about shoe trees than i ever cared to know. the
lonesome guy working at the counter lit up when i came in,
"hey buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudy!!!" whoa, way too much
enthusiasm.
"how can i help youuuuuuuuuuuuuu?" i tolde him i needed
some shoe treees and his eyes practically popped out of his
head. then he sat me down and told me about shoe trees.

they come in plastic or cedar. they come in "pointed" or
"square" (for teh different types of shoes). if you are a
dumbshit no-nothing you get plastic, if you ave even an
ounce of commonsense you get cedar. why cedar? well that
leads me to what shoe trees actually are (they are NOT just
for keeping the form). in fact, what they are there for is
to keep space between the upper and lower portions of the
shoe so as to provide airflow. they also are there to soak
up sweat (which is why they are lightly sanded) and then
finally they also provide their own aroma (which is why they
are somewhat oiled).

so that's what shoe trees do. i kind of snapped out of the
story...i feltl ike he had just taken me on a magical
christmas story ride in the middle of the lawn...i made sure
i wasn't accdientally sitting on the guy's lap. then he
shook his head sadly,
"sadly...i do not have any...but..." and then he whipped his
head left and right suspiciously,
"i really shouldn't tell you this...but the container
store," my eyes widened incredulously, "YES, the container
store, has faaaaaaaaaaaaabulous aromatic cedar shoe trees."

so there i went. and bvy the way, shoe trees are fucking
expensive. $20? really? ouch. well at least they will
keep my shoes nice for a long time...or at least they'd
better.