It is Unacceptable
the attorney from whom i rent my office starts every
sentence with: "It is unacceptable..." if she is about to
complain about something. it kind of reminds me of the
villain in princess bride who always says: "its
inconceivable" so much so that the other villain says: "you
know...i don't think you really know what that word means."
in a homage to her overusing that phrase i will now write a
rant column (it has been way too long).
It is unacceptable to go against a one-way street. You have
no idea how much this happens. It is unacceptable EVEN IF
your fucking driveway is only a 1/4 of the way down.
Furthermore, it does not become more acceptable if you FLOOR
IT to beat the traffic coming head on.
It is unacceptable to go to a show that has people moshing
with your 6 yr old son. It is even more unacceptable to
then goad your son into running INTO THE MOSH PIT just so
that you can be an ass and push your way to the front
declaring: "oh my god, my child is up there!!!"
It is unacceptable to use up the HOV lane and then act like
an ass trying to merge at the last moment when you see the
cop car up ahead ticketing people for being the asshole that
you are. Not only does this completely fuck up the reason
behind the HOV lane (now creating a traffic jam because you
asshole are blocking that lane trying to merge) but it is
not made more acceptable if you try to pretend that you
"just wanted to take the exit" (an excuse I heard in traffic
court the other day).
It is unacceptable and downright criminal to use the last of
a pot of coffee and then not make more. 20 years to life
for that one.
It is unacceptable to be a service establishment, like say a
retail store and then employee someone who doesn't
understand nor speak english. I went to the armpit of
retail stores (Ross) and not only did the lady not
understand a word I was saying, but she also could only
"speak" by pantomiming towards the aisle that she thought I
needed to get to. Seriously? that's good customer service?
It is unacceptable for any sort of establishment to not take
credit or debit cards. I get it, it costs money, but pass
it on to consumers, add a cash discount, but stop acting so
fucking arrogant as if you've stayed "pure" by not accepting
plastic. Get with the fucking program. This is ESPECIALLY
true if you're a bar. How fucking stupid do you have to be
as a bar owner to not accept credit cards? You are that
stupid that you don't realize that someone who gives you a
card and then gets wasted, not actively dolling out money
along the way and then just getting hit with the bill later
isn't going to spend more than the guy who reaches in his
pocket doesn't have cash and then needs to find an ATM?
It is unacceptable that you (certain neighbors) put your old
shit out on the curb with a sign saying "free". So it's not
littering if you arrange all of your shit that the garbage
men won't pick up in a neat little pile and put a note on
it? That's not littering? Stop being such a jew about it
and just go to the dump...how many times a year would you
really have to do that? once...maybe twice? I'm just sick
of seeing nordic tracks and broken-ass webber grills oon the
sidewalk. who the fuck is going to come by and be
like..."oh shit, there's a broken ass nordic track, i'm
gonna haul that shit away!"
It is unacceptable to continue using a piece of exercise
equipment that is obviously broken. A litle narrative: I'm
at the gym working out. There's this girl on one of those
ellipticals. After a while the elliptical started making
this clunking noise. "ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk" it
went. loud as anything. she looks down and slowly moves
it..."kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-chuuuuunk!" it goes, she shrugs, and
continues on..."ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk." and faster
and faster she goes, "ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-KRUNK!!!!" and
then it gets stuck, she goes flying face first into the
front of the machine with a scream..."ehhhhhhhhawwwh!!!"
the employee who looks like he could give a shit while she
was "ka-chunking" it runs towards her, stops mid-way, turns,
bolts back, grabs the first aid kit and then pushes his way
through the gathering crowd.
the girl is now screaming bloody murder at the
machine...she's injured, her pride is injured, and she knows
she was a dumbass.
It would be beyond unacceptable if this same girl were to
sue the gym. I think I may have found my first pro-bono