ftrestarr*

Insane in the Membrane
2009-12-01 08:04:18 (UTC)

Where to begin?

Where to begin? In an misunderstood wavelength, so often misguided.
Jumbled in the want to want, and I'm yours.. Is it in forever or now? And I take
it in,
seeping with fragrance of familiar territory, yet new age forthright. Up close &
personal, my vision is a little blurry. Forgive my tied youth. It clings. With one
gaze of intertwined blur, the harmony of disposition & order play their role...
a vision of true. It's you.

You. A moment to recollect the happenings. Where do you come from?
Where are you going? The passing through is hard to swallow. I'll never be
promised that time, and here I am wasting my blessing. Where do you
belong,
little boy? Here with me, I'd like to say, but never too close to certify my
apprehensions. A little pessimism to start off with, I suppose. After all, I'm
competing with the Great's.

This love. Is not like the others. It's messy and complex all in its own
right. I find myself leaving my very thoughts alone, satisfied with the now.
How quaint. The unknown results you pull out of my character. And in the
same respect, I
worry about how, with no pre-conceived notion, I will continue on with a
relationship I have yet to dissect. This love, these kisses, the time. Inquisitive.
I don't ask the usual questions, the selfish requests. Instead, I want time.
Unnecessary to plan plans. Simply time. Simply the beats and breaths. Simply
No need for materials, commitment, finances, gifts and parades. The
importance of knowing. The quiet. My petty wants, they are different from
others. Will this suffice? I may not need you enough, the normal way. But, you
are the more simple, necessary, important know. Beating and breathing, the
same as me, importantly, my necessary breathing is beating knowing simple.

When I think about it. I'm suddenly not broken like I thought. The ideas I
thought were those of youth and naive times, are truly in effect. I can explain.
When we're born, the first thing we know is love. We feel it from our mother's
and other family. As we grow, we learn how to give love in return. It's very
simple, actually. Then, as we progress into life, we choose, sometime more or
less who or what is worthy of our wants and suddenly it becomes a game of
pick and choose.
I always knew I loved. I can remember 3rd grade, imagining falling in
love, writing love letters, blushing and kissing. I wanted to feel those things
that I had dreamed. It was so clear, what I wanted. Then, as I grew, I began to
love the ideas and the world around me. I would watch TV and hope that
someday I would be so lucky to live like the kids in the shows. There worlds
were so simple. They were committed to each other, and even being young, I
could feel those things along with them. I couldn't daydream enough about
being in love. And, what I choose, now that I've progressed is to love. It's very
simple.
I think about it. How I've had this love for someone all my life. This
second nature for someone. The ideas, the feelings, the fit. It's like when you
can get a key in, but you can't turn it. And though, there are those "keys". No
one has been able to unlock the door. Wow, what a cheesy line. But factually,
my life was built for a certain person to fit into. I've know the way I wanted
you to look, the color of your hair, the smile on your face. I've seen your ways
& I know your scent. The way you walk and dress. Living before me. I've
known you forever. It's not out of place to love you or want you. I've done that
for as long as I can remember. You are my dream come true. My Prince
Charming. Everything I've ever wanted to feel and do and say are right. And
the
best thing is, there's nothing we can do about it.
This is the hardest job of all. Having everything you've ever wanted.
Having unconditional love at your fingertips. I wonder how to return this gift.
How will you know you are home? How can I love you right? What do you
think? What do you want? What do you love? But questions aren't meant to be
answered. I'll know it in your eyes. I'll see it on your face. You'll know it in my
hugs. You'll feel it in my days. It's comforting to know I love you. Be at home.
Be in love. Be you.

.I Love You.




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