Nick's Journal
2009-11-11 05:29:07 (UTC)

You Can't Go Home Again

i'm home again. it's really nice. in such a chaotic period
in my life there's no thought more comforting like the
stability of the family home. your room is the same.
relics of your childhood, once strewn about the floor, are
now relegated to a straight line along the shelfs of your

i had some awkward moments. while here i really didn't want
to see anybody. i just wanted to relax. of course there's
no way that's happening. i went to costco and kept up my
streak of awkward encounters going. a guy who i graduated
high school with was checking the receipts. i didn't
recognize him until it was too late. and then i couldn't
remember his fucking name.


also i've been hanging out my mom and our family friend,
irmgard, now with my extended family back in austria,
irmgard has been a sort-of surrogate grandmother both to me
and my brother. sometimes they would get really into
conversations which were really in depth. they got on the
topic of gay marriage and of course i got roped in:
"what do you think nick?"
oh man.

it was fun hanging out with them but i can definetly now
identify with another guy i graduated high school with.
this dude was the absolute "nerd" type, his hair was matted
to his skull in that crusty hue from too much hair spray.
he had big glasses and looked like he weighed 40 lbs.

he also lived with his grandparents. in a way it were as if
he were a few generations too late. which makes sense as
his grandparents were so. it's just a different way of

my swearing-in ceremony was every bit as excruciating as i
had anticipated. i had to squeeze myself in beside this
family that apparently was in the running for most
dysfunctional family on this earth. i knew the daughter
(who was being sworn-in) and now i know why she has the
"daddy" complex. her dad was tearing into her AT HER

he wasn't pleased that she didn't want to bring her car into
the shop. he was saying things like:
"see, you have to be more assertive. you can't be so afraid
all the time."
then the black-sheep son came. to be more accurate he came
right before the judges came in and then was walking at the
same piont the bailiff said "all rise".

he then got into a bitter argument with his father which was
all the more awkward as the presiding judge was given his
introduction. finaly there was a violent hiss, the son
jerked his elbow back and left the court but not without
yelling (over the presiding judge): "you didn't want me here
no-how anyhow"

aside from being astounded by his dexterity in the use of
the english language i couldn't help but sink lower in my
bench as i realized i could be construed as part of the
manson family to my right. i almost felt like laughing
uproariously and saying: "who the fuck are these clowns?"
and then making a big point to show i wasn't with them.

instead i settled with sliding lower in the bench. then
there was another sad sad sad point where the asshole at the
bar association said: "come on guys get up and give your
loved ones a hug!"
i didn't have any loved ones at the ceremony. so i stood
really rigidly as even the mansons shared three tender
embraces. the father turned to me, apparently took pity on
me and extended his hand.

a handshake and now i am FINALLY an attorney.