blkdragon

grounded
2009-11-04 05:41:28 (UTC)

Voluntary and involuntary movements

27/10/09--10:32 AM Hit the gym this morning, after getting
up to put the recyclables on the curb, they didn’t pick them
up yesterday; I worked up a serious sweat. I’d planned to
swim this morning, I was too tired by 8, got in the water
and meditated; Nic seemed to be in a mood and I knew enough
to leave her there. I used the aerobic water weights and
worked out for the next 45 minutes, I brought my phone to
the pool’s edge, expecting a call from the plumber; my alarm
sounded at 8:45. As I pulled myself onto the ledge, Nic
grabbed her phone, I wasn’t planning to talk to her; I
needed to leave because I had things to do.
I thought Nic might have had an issue with some of the
things Keion and I discussed, Cathy being a morsel on that
plate, I would perish the thought of ascertaining what may
have been her issue this morning; it’s her issue when all is
said and done!
Joe called when he returned home, he wanted me to check the
air in his apartment, I went inside and immediately noticed
the change; I mentioned his having to clean the smell from
his wardrobe and carpet. I also mentioned that he’d need to
take that up with Paula.
I’d begun working with music and went to watch a show in the
living room, I’d begin hearing someone slamming things
downstairs, Joe’s Wife had arrived and he probably told her
how stupid she was to think gold paint flecks might be mold,
even he didn’t know any better; I find all three (Joe and
his women) to be mental midgets. As I tell my Sons, “It’s a
wise man that knows what he doesn’t know.”
I’d given thought to Pelham, I almost went to his apartment
unannounced, wanted to see if he would appreciate that; he’s
angry with me and I won’t make that my problem.
28/10/09--8:34 AM I found myself going to bed early last
night, I’d stay awake until after midnight but the fact that
I was under the covers at 11 was a change. I woke to a dream
that I was living with a woman and she’d allowed some
official looking guy into my office, seems he placed a check
on my desk and I found it odd that he wouldn’t give the
money to me or her, as though the desk was where it needed
to go; the money was my business. Finally rolled out of bed
at 7:30, turned my coffee back on, it had brewed at 5 and
turned itself off at 7; it was still hot so I merely turned
the machine back on. I turned the Netbook on and found
someone had sent me a chat request, I find it disturbing
that people I don’t know seem to want to know me, trust
issues; that person would be the guy trying to buy my Stratus.
I added him to my contact list and we began chatting, he
offered $1200, agrees to give $200 a week until PIF;
whereupon I deliver the title. With his first payment I’ll
take the ad off Craigslist and put a sold sign in the
window, I’ll also have him sign a non-negotiable contract,
there will be no refunding in the event he changes his mind
about purchasing; I then got on my knees for my second
prayer of the morning. I thanked my “Mother/Father/God” for
disregarding my fears/doubts and showing me the wonders of
“Their Love.” I’d like to know who the woman in my dream
happened to be, I’d also like to know why the touch of
Charlotte lingers so, it’s always been easy to step away
from the women in my life until now!
Chatted with Pretty’s Husband yesterday, he sent pictures of
himself with their baby, Zoe. Also spoke with Lynn last
night, Joe didn’t ask me to do a smell check and Paula
didn’t make it here for her keys to Joe’s porch, still
waiting for the plumber to come and there’s to be a delivery
of Joe’s new stove tomorrow. I was planning to go to Social
Services to file for assistance today, guess I’ll put that
off until it’s absolutely necessary. Guess I’ll shave,
shower and plan to roll at the Y this afternoon, also plan
to call the employment agencies (I’ve applied with) to see
what possibilities may present themselves. I’ve also got to
call CitiFinancial, tell them I can’t pay on my loan and see
what they suggest, Mark (Stratus buyer) is supposed to bring
his first installment today and that will still leave a
balance after my (tentative) loan payment.
I’ve been noticing people appearing to be upset with me, I
see that they want me to respond to their displays of
emotion, I’m not stepping to the plate on that one; I deal
with how I feel and so should they.
Spent the morning ironing and folding clothes, I’ll be
showering shortly and heading for the Y to skate, afterwards
I may drive to Wal-Mart for Tostitos and tea lights, thought
I’d accomplish some sampling; perhaps later?
3:28 PM Charlotte just sent me a text, she’s either on her
way to work or just got there, she wants me to believe she’s
thinking of me; at least at that moment. It’s not good
enough for me! Got into a discussion with Love, he thinks
I’m self-centered, that I believe everything has to be about
me; this seems to be the view my Son’s share and they didn’t
feel that way when my only thoughts centered on them. Love’s
thinking if I love Charlotte I’ll do whatever it takes to
keep her in my life, yet he never wants to hear me talking
about her, all I ever asked of Charlotte was the opportunity
to get closer; she has trust issues and I thought greater
proximity would solve that problem. When she balked at the
thought of my relocation I discarded it, I then began
increasing the space between us, what reason did I have to
do otherwise? Now she doesn’t have to worry about my
attempting to get closer, that ball is in her court, this
doesn’t change my feelings for her; I will not lose myself
to her.
I called Lynne to see if she shared this view that seems to
be the dominant one shared by at least a chosen few, she
understood why some would imagine such a thing, she also
understands the reasons for my choices. Paula would arrive
at my door while I spoke with Lynne, my business would have
to come first, the cash cow was now giving milk; she brought
Brian with her and a cauldron had just boiled over. They
just came from Joe’s apartment, apparently Brian had opened
Joe’s refrigerator to inspect for odors and Joe damned near
went ballistic, Brian explained he was trying to locate the
source of the prevalent odor and if he wasn’t going to allow
this he could leave the property. Joe told Paula to get
Brian out of his space, she would also tell Joe that he
should leave if he wasn’t happy; she apologized for Brian's
insensitive invasion and they left.
She brought me the key to Joe’s front door, a new stove
arrives tomorrow, I’m to allow the installers access; the
plumber should be here also and Brian says he’ll be here in
the morning. If Paula were smart she’d change the wording of
the lease to allow for chance inspections, maintaining a
viable presence to insure the care of her property. Brian
was wired now, he kept acting as though he needed to find
the source of the problem at hand, Paula believed him to be
a dog chewing his bone; he really needed to remove himself
from the scene to give Joe enough time to cool down. I
expected Joe to call me to complain, what good would that
do, Paula is the owner; Joe’s only option is to relocate. In
the event that he should do that, Nic and Keion would gladly
take the place, Cuervo would love the back porch and they
wouldn’t have to worry about rodent infestation; the
apartment is bigger than the one they’re in.
Pelham would also love the place, it’s closer to his
transportation, I’m sure he wouldn’t consider moving here
and I don’t believe I’d want him that close to me.
I found myself preparing to head to the store when Tanya
called, she said she’d seen me walking down State St, that
she was a student at SCC; she would discuss the reasons she
didn’t like the college and why she didn’t believe she’d be
returning for another class. She would also tell me about a
recurring dream she’s been having, about a phone call in the
middle of the night from the company her Husband works for,
how she’s never felt this way in the 5 years they’ve been
married; I mentioned the party that’s supposed to happen
here this Saturday and invited her knowing she wouldn’t
consider coming here.
Tanya has little ones and she’ll be doing her thing with
them on that night, I was merely being polite, Tanya is
developing a system with me; when she has nothing else to
say she’ll create a reason to hang up quickly, telling me
she’ll call me back and she never does. I think I’m supposed
to call her and ask why, that won’t happen. I’m sure
Charlotte is wondering whether or not she should begin
calling again, I wouldn’t stop her, it would give me an
opportunity to question her motives and intentions; she
doesn’t want to risk having to consider such things.
I finally made it to the auxiliary gym to skate, I’ll need
to mop the floor next time, more important was the fact that
I recorded a couple of videos of myself skating; it was like
watching someone else and I found myself involuntarily
moving as I watched.




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