Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2009-10-14 04:13:03 (UTC)

I'm feeling jealous

My friend told me that her boyfriend slept over her house
this past week. She told me all they did was fall asleep
cuddling.

I want that. I want that so much!

I want to be held in a guy's arms. In the arms of a man who
truly likes me and wants to be with me.

I'm jealous because it's not fair. Why does she get to talk
shit about how i'm a virgin and then experiences something
that I'm longing for?! Why!

For a split second I was angry with myself for feeling the
company of a man. I can't have this on my mind, I have
school to deal with! But I can't help it. I'm a woman with
hormones and I am genetically programmed like this,
unfortunately.

I think I'm feeling emotional because that Guy didn't text
me tonight. Well, it's only midnight but the likelihood of
him calling/texting me is very slim. This guy, I feel, is
leading me on tremendously. I don't know what to think of
'us'. His body language and how he talks to me says one
thing, but he never opened up saying anything about 'us'.

Seriously, once i'm done with this guy I can't be bothered
with another man. It hurts too much. It takes up a lot of my
emotions and energy.


I've been so strong until now. I just want to cry. It's not
fair. When will I have my chance to be genuinely happy?


I need a drink. Shit I should seriously buy JD.


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