Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2009-09-29 15:47:54 (UTC)

Family Anonymous- I'm Broken

I woke up yesterday morning with a scratchy throat and I
knew I was getting sick and there was no turning back. My
wrist also hurts and my back is killing me! I don't have
proper posture at all. I'm considering Pilate classes.. but
once I feel better. I should probably even purchase my own
yoga mat... ew sharing.

I've been feeling under the weather since friday and I've
been slowly falling behind on my readings. I was doing so
well! But I have to accept that this will happen and the
fact I'm not even behind, I shouldn't start to stress.

Speaking of stress, my mother stresses me. Why does my room
have to be the focal point of our arguments? Hmm? It's MY
room. No one comes into my room. It's not her room. Leave.

Last night I went to a group meeting calling Family
Anonymous for families living with addict(s). My brother's
girlfriend took me to this meeting because she felt that I
needed and most importantly hoping that I will convince my
parents to go as well.

It was a small group of people (due to the Jewish holiday)
so it was open to discuss any topics. I bit my tongue a lot
of the times when my brother's girlfriend spoke. If only
people knew how crazy she's driving my parents crazy and how
being an only child has made a strong impact on her life.

Anyways, it was my turn to speak and I chose to speak up.
I've always wondered if giving my brother the silent
treatment when he was high or even leaving the room was a
good idea? I was told that was the smartest thing and the
most mature answer they've ever heard. Not only that but
that I am a strong person.

Why am I so strong?

I thought I was being cold hearted and unloving, because I
wouldn't even care if he continued doing this shit for years
to come. He's never there for me, he has nothing to offer
me, I don't look up to him... so what.

I was told to come back next week... let's see.




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