O.

Constant: continuing without pause
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2009-09-20 10:07:44 (UTC)

7 months..

Wow.
Crazy Seven months ago I lost my virginity.
Sorry, I was reading old blogs and was reminded.
I truthfully feel like a virgin still. I mean, God forgave
me and it took awhile but I have forgiven myself.
I stopped a lot of stuff that caused me to think of sex and
any desires. I know it doesnt change the fact I had sex,
but
then again it does.
I dont know, Im just grateful.

Anyways today, I went to garretts bands last show..his
girlfriend was there. I told him the night before I was
unsure if I was going to go, but he said he really wanted
me
there. So I did. It was pretty hard but I prayed about it
before and wrote to God to give me strength and he really
did. She was literally like a baby, shes probably like 5
foot 105lbs. Shes tiny. I even told him that and he kinda
just laughed. All night though we barely spoke, I text him
a
few times and noticed him looking over at me throughout the
night. I love him, I cant take it but I am going to do what
it takes to wait for him. Hes everything I need. At my
friends wedding yesterday during the service the pastor
mentioned
how they were not attracted to one another cause they
thought
theyre all that or whatever, its because God put that need
for eachother in them from day one, so they could find one
another. I feel that truly with garrett and I will wait for
him to get out of this.
The show was good but like i said it was pretty hard to see
him holding her hand and his arm around her sometimes. His
bestfriend came over and asked what was wrong because I did
look pretty down and I just replied with "what do you
think"
And he felt really bad along with a few other friends that
didnt even know what was wrong but did what they could to
cheer me up.
I am so thankful for all of them and God but Its
just..difficult.
I feel in my heart Garret wants to be with me but is just
confused what to do right now and trying to figure it out.
Thats so okay with me, I get it, but its still a blahh
darnit factor.

Well I have to wake up kinda early tomorrow for calebs
surprise party. Then going to rachelles, terry moved back
and living with her (dont remember if I said anything about
that) but now Josh is too, so WEIRD. but I promised ot stop
by and see them. So kinda busy day tomorrow.

Goodnight and please, anyone pray for me.
For everything im going through.
If you are one that reads my entires a lot, you know the
things Ive been going through.

thanks


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