kebab0816

Life - so complicated
2009-09-18 01:23:47 (UTC)

Devoid of emotion

I may have finally grown up! I have very little emotion
about things anymore. The 'drama' of my life seems to have
faded and things seem a little more focused and secure. I
have a job, though its not what I wanted to do, right now
I don't really have any options. I've started my college
course and me and Andy are still on track. Where that
track will lead I'm not sure but for now at least I can
rest easy knowing I'm not going to face my future alone.
After me and Debs went to Ireland in July and we met up
with Ryan, I didn't speak to either of them for more than
a month after. I've spoken to Ryan about this since and he
understands how I felt about the way things were. Debs has
no idea of course, she'll always be very much in her own
little bubble that the world revolves around, and I don't
mean that nastily, that is truly what she is like. As much
as I may love her for being my best friend, I just
couldn't face speaking to her or seeing her for a while.
We saw each other again for the 1st time, yesterday.
That's almost 2 months. Doesn't seem long but considering
she only lives down the road, it's stupid! As for Ryan, my
feelings for him are straightforward - I have none. He is
a wonderful friend and we have something that can only be
formed from something special. I'm glad I can have him in
my life without having a knot in my stomach or crying when
he says something nice. He still trusts me enough to share
things with me that he's told no one else and I feel
comfortable enough to really be honest with him about my
feelings on anything. I like that.
I used to think 'I wish me and Andy had that' but it took
me a while to realise that Andy and I have something that
Ryan and I obviously never did. There were times when I
felt self conscious around Ryan but not once do I feel
like that around Andy, I can well and truly be me.
I'm currently suffering from a cold and a cough which I
caught from a girl at work, who I was around for less than
an hour!




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