All that is
When Ben came, the smell was strong. not just in itself,
but in its familiarity too. Like it was only yesterday and
not years ago that I last smelt it. I'm amazed at how
easily your sense of smell can be reinvigorated. I mean I
hadn't forgotten what it smelled like, its just that it
was indescribable the first time I ever smelled it. unlike
anything. But I did always know that it was something i'd
never forget. It's just that i had no idea that this smell
had been etched upon my memory so strongly. Usually when
you smell something familiar or which you recognize, there
is an 'intro moment' if you will. a kind of awakening,
where whatever moment you were in when you first smelled
it - place, people, atmosphere, feelings etc; are tickled.
but this one, no. there was no follow up, just 'boom'.
almost like i knew what i was about to smell before i
smelt it and the moment of which i was about to be
reminded. it was expected. even so, i liked it. I liked
the familiarity of it. maybe because it was ben. but the
very first time, no. to me at the time it smelled raw,
sinful, filthy and almost alien-like. Disgusting. it
epitomised the dirtiness and wrongness of what were doing.
Like after i smelled that i knew it was dirty. the smell
made me angry too. i remember becoming really angry that
he had put something disgusting on me. but i didnt know
what to call it. i called it shit.