Billabonic

Life Among The Selected Few
2009-08-16 22:20:45 (UTC)

New Senior Employment Policy

Dear Senior Citizens,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown in the
economy, The United States Government has decided to
implement a new policy
to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early
retirement. This
program will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be
considered
for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced
Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under
the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
many
times as The Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel
Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by any other agencies not prepared to
handle those situations. They will be monitored, however
at taxpayer's expense.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
as much
SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The
United States Government
has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT It gives
its' citizens with no regard for race, gender, ethnic
origin, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT,
please bring this
to the attention of your Senators or Congressman, who have
been elected by you to give you
all the SHIT you can handle with as much paperwork as is
humanly possible. Do not worry about the ecological impact
on the environment, trees need shit to grow, so it all
helps and we are insured an endless supply of paper
products for generations to come.

Finally, due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of
electricity, gas
and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light
at the End of the
Tunnel has been turned off.




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