Anima Sola

Burning Up
2009-08-06 21:03:03 (UTC)

Terrified

I think I suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder; I've
had some metal health issues like depression for a while,
but I am not doing so well as of late.
I am terrified of the (apparently) 5% chance that I could
become pregnant even though I've taken the morning after
pill!
It's sods law that I will be one of the people in that
5%... and me and G aren't even in a relationship.
Bugger.
The idea of Birth and Pregnancy scare me shitless.
I would have to have an abortion if only because my mental
state would go downhill like a brick in water.
If I was preggers and was refused an abortion by my GP, I
think I would probably kill myself rather than go through
with it.
ANYTHING to have control over my body and avoid having to
have a baby.
I can't think about anything else than what will happen if
my parents found out.
Sure, Im old enough to have sex (Christ, I'm 21!), they
know that, but there's a good chance they would throw me
out if I was pregnant - and my being branded the town slag
for having a baby with a guy I'm not even dating would not
go down well with them at all.
I don't care what other people around here think - they're
all inbred anyway, but yeah, It would create problems if
anyone knew.
I can't breathe properly, and I can't see myself sleeping,
except out of exhaustion.
I've been pigging out on sweets all day (i.e. comfort
eating), but I haven't had any appetite at all.
I took the day off of work today as the KFC I ate last
night with G made me Ill, I think, but also to make a dash
to Boots for a Levonelle tablet.
It fucking well only cost me £26.50 for one sodding tablet!
For fucks sake!
I know you're meant to pay for prescription drugs and all,
after a certain age, but surely one titty-fucking pill
CANNOT cost that bloody much!?
Oh. My. God.


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