taking heed

slightly exaggerated
Ad 2:
2009-06-09 04:49:45 (UTC)

Own your fucking feelings.

I've made a very concerted effort to be optimistic lately;
I visit Tim the shrink with regularity, I shrug off the
inevitable miscues of daily life with THE condition, I put
on a happy face and generally have the substance to back
it up (at least 50-60% substance).

As I type, I am in the midst of an epic struggle with the
medical community. They've got the resources, I need
answers. I have problems, they have diagnostic tools. But
there is a disconnect between us, and I, (AKA, just
another health card number), have so far been left with
indeterminate answers or none at all.

These are matters of pressing importance. Even if
everything is physically going to the glue fatory with a
one-way ticket, it would be nice to know why or how. The
eye dilemma cannot be stressed enough. It seems almost
impossible for me to understand. It
literally feels as though the world, and the information
it contains that can be interpreted visually, is moving
too quickly for my eyes to absorb and diseminate. It seems
necessary to wait the extra split second to allow for the
information to be taken in, properly coded, and made sense
of.

I realize this must all sound so foriegn, or at the very
least, regurgitated, but how can I avoid it when that with
which I see the world is distorted and broken? How can I
hold a job or act normally when all I have are uneducated
assumptions on these matters of extreme prevalence?

What things to speak of in such a momentus entry.
Numerically speaking.

Read on in 201...


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