blkdragon
grounded
Keep talking, don't think
6/7/09 11:28 pm?I met Nik/Keion and Cathy at Bombers Bar
and Grill, had 2 Gin and Tonics, made me realize how little
I actually drink and how much alcohol the bartender put into
my drinks. I was happy I was walking home, happy I had 4
hours to sober up before I needed to drive, I had enough
drinks to make hugging the ladies easy; usually it hurts me.
I plan to tell Nik that she has to host a fashion seminar
for Cathy, there needs to be a limit to what she should be
comfortable wearing, loved Niks hair and she applies her
make-up skillfully. I always have a good time talking with
Keion, Id seen him earlier in the day, he showed me the
boxing gym; Id planned to work on the heavy bag and didnt
make it in there, Id begun cramping during my exercise program.
Sheridan skated Thursday night, his Brother would come to
see him, hed skate too close to me more than once; I would
leave early that night as well and that seemed to surprise
him. Anne doesnt accompany Sheridan anymore, Im sure
theres a reason for that, I think he wanted to discuss the
advertising he wanted to do for me; Im not feeding into his
offhand advances. David and his woman skated, he actually
spends time with her now, he asked me if I knew hed just
returned from Miami; apparently traveling makes him feel
important, cant travel if youre broke or can you?
I probably skate 25 miles on any given night, Ill compute
my distance when I time myself on a complete circuit,
leisurely and fast. I had a close call (Saturday night) with
a driver that wasnt paying attention, the car began
drifting into my lane, I had to hit the horn to awaken them
to the issue; I then increased my speed to stay away from
them. Had to detour from my route home, the street was
closed off because of a murder, some guy went to rob a store
and accidentally shot a customer; he slapped her in the head
with the gun and it discharged. There was a helicopter
searching for the culprit, I think he may still be at large,
theres more of that type of crime on the way; its in
everyones best interests to act as though they dont have
two nickels to rub together to make a dime, or run the risk
of being robbed. You cant tell anyone that youre broke if
youre driving a luxury car, Id make sure I had criminal
money, what you carry in case someone attempts to rob you;
enough to make them go away, $200's good as long as youre
not driving a Benz! I learned, while growing up in Boston,
you better have money for someone robbing you; otherwise
youll have a stomping coming your way. Most robbers arent
solitary, those that are pack (weapons) heat, they really
arent the ones to toy with; solitary criminals are
operating from a point of perceived desperation!
While at Loves, he asked if Id spoken with Joshua, I told
him that I wasnt planning to call and that he hadnt called
me; Im merely dealing with how I happen to be feeling on a
regular basis. What Im going through with Joshua merely
adds a combustible to an already unstable flame, Im telling
myself that God only tests those with indomitable character,
that I cant fail this test of faith; that I have to endure
whatever befalls me with hope for tomorrow and it isnt easy
by any stretch of the imagination.
Im planning a drivers education course to remove the
points from a speeding ticket, the possibility exists that I
took too long to handle it, carrying felonious charges on my
record doesnt bode well for my employment options; Im
planning to apply with the Center for Disability Services.
Hopefully the 5 hour class will remove the points to get me
closer to driving for a living, I can handle $12ph, possibly
limo driving on the weekends.
I hadnt bothered with my email since last Wednesday, proof
that I dont get much in the way of important mail by way of
the web. I was going to send a copy of the email I received
from Joshua to Nicole, already sent it to Lynne, I didnt
send it to Nicole though; I read it again and it still grips
my heart. Im hoping to get past the curiosity, I may never
know what happened between my Son and I, no matter how I
try; I cant for the life of me imagine what I could
possibly have done for his response and I can no longer
punish myself for implied infractions. It seems Joshua felt
this way when I sensed he was in trouble and sent him money,
had I felt whatever way he seems to suggest, I wouldnt have
accepted the help of anyone Id believed done me an
injustice; Id have thanked them and declined their offer.
I actually feel as though someone has knocked the air from
me, to imagine that I could do anything to merit this action
or response from either of my Sons, I have to let it go or
be destroyed by it; Ill not allow my destruction to be the
end result of anyones intent. Im apt to ask how either of
my Sons could ever overlook the sacrifices made on their
behalf, that would be selfish of me, I have no idea what
theyve believed necessary to overcome in their efforts to
become men; I merely know what Ive given, not what theyve
endured. Perhaps the scales will balance someday, as the
night engulfs this one, things are not even; but I can close
my eyes and be thankful to have another breath or moment
left to regain what seems to be lost.
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