All that is
Ad 2:
2009-05-31 06:09:31 (UTC)

ben. again.

i'ive fucked up once again.

Met the loveliets man the other day at boujis. by chance.
(giannis was [unsuccessfully] trying to persuade me to
come back to his after the drinks we had..) and i saw this
gorgeous gorgeous guy walking down the street with his
mate. hands in pocket, head down, looked up at me, this
look on his face that was kinda knowing. a kind of mona
lisa smile. male version of course. then he walked on.

was on my way to the station when i saw boujis night club
on the corner oppostie and i was surprised. thougth boujis
was in like mayfair or some place.then i giggle, said i
have to try this place. meanwhilem giannis was wanting to
go home, and me wanting to shake him off, wanted to go to
this club. then i saw the same guy out side the night
club, going in, and he saw me (did a double take too lol)
and then he walked in. i decide i was going to go anyways,
and then i did and giannis was like okay then (i kinda
kissed him before he left - i felt bad for him, so as kind
of compensation i guess) god i still cant believe i KISSED
giannis!! he wasnt a pleasant kisser either - totally
stuck his tongue right into my mouth. it was really wet
too. gross.
so went in (if im being honest, i went in because i
wanted to speak to that guy who did a double take on me -
blonde one)so i looked around for him for a few minutes
and when i didnt find him i thougth he must be in some
kind of VIP lounge area, and so i went try and buy some
drinks - needless to say i just got water - i wasnt about
to pay 7 quid for one drink - after paying 15 quid to
enter... and so i met this black girl from sudan it was
her birthday and i explained to her that my mates have
effed off and they didnt wanna pay, so if i could hang
with them for the evening, and she very nicely agreed,
introduing me to all her mates etc. plus of course the
mellowness probably had something to do with it. then
stopped to look inside this area i hadnt noticed before
and there he was, sat down with his mate he came with...

then i stood there until he spotted me, and when he did i
glance briefly and smiled. then i went over to my 'mates'
and danced. then we were going up for some fresh air, and
someone stopped me and said "you're not leaving are you?"
and i realised it was him...

long and short of it - we met talked , laughed, flirted,
connected, and exchanged numbers. then were in constant
contact until we met again for dinner on friday evening.

what shall i say to him to rectify this now? - the truth

1. im shy
2. guys see me and wanna fuck me. nothing else, just fuck
3. I liked you more than that and didnt want to go too far
too soon. it would spoil things and then that awkward
morning after situation..
5. i wanted to sleep with you, but i liked you enough to
wait. but i really wanted to, which was probably why u
were getting mixed signals....
6. if i knew i didnt want to see you again, then i would
have slept with you in a jiffy - i mean you're hot.
7. sometimes i get the feeling that im the kind of girl
that guys wanna fuck. not date, just fuck. so im always on
guard for that...
8.im sometimes scared to let myself become to close to
someone - in case i loose them.