flower in the rain
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2009-05-21 02:18:59 (UTC)

things, things, love and things.

SO, it's extremely hard for me to keep up with my relationship.

I dont even remember the date we started going out on....

i think the 30th...

Anyways, so Rosario is finally over her depression, she's
been doing some independent projects and looking for a job
which i think is what is really helping her. we have been
spending time, having a laugh.

its great, and i LOVE HER, i really do, but knowing in the
back of my head that she is free, that she doesn't do
monogamy, scares me.

last night, she picked me up from work, and i stayed at her
place. it was a really great night, we drank a few beers,
munched out, listened to music. laughed, we made fun of each
other, i taught her to two-step. then things got weird...

She told me not to leave her, she told me not to go. And i
smiled, not sure if she was serious, and i told her, "well
then come with me if i go to texas... come away with me
wherever i go..."

and she was completely serious when she said, "si claro, yo
me voy a donde tu vayas, pero no me dejes. Norita, mi
norita, dime que me amas..."

that completely caught me offgaurd. yes we say i love you,
but AMOR is a different word, it stands for the most
intense, real kind of love in spanish,and here she was
asking me to say it to her.

"its not time yet..." i muttered, nervously. the truth was i
really wanted to say it, but im scared. Being in love is
scary, its hard, and i didnt want to do it alone. i was
afraid if i said it she wouldnt say it back. well we laughed
it off, continued to have a great time, confessed devotion
to each other.

the next morning i work up in her arms, and she in mine. and
seh began to kiss me, then she said it...

"te amo, aunque tu digas que no sea tiempo de decirlo, TE
AMO." and i felt my heart stop. she said it....

then i said it too.

The truth is we are in love but so many things scare me
about it...

Rosario confessed last night that even though she said she
was leaving, she would have never left me...

A few nghts ago she went out with her friends got super
drunk and almost slept with some girl...

she told me about it the next day, and how when she realized
what was happening she left.

she asked if itrusted her, and the truth is that i trust
that she will be honest with me. And if she does do
something, she'll tell me. She has so much of me already,
ifeel like i want to give her the best of me, but that small
detail, the part where even thought she isnt sleeping with
other girls, tht she feels she needs the freedom to do so if
the situation arises...

and i agreed to giving her that freedom, and now im betting
high, im trusting in her love to be strong enough for her to
be faithful anyways...

because i know that the day she tells me she slept with
someone else, and she will tell me when it happens i know...

that day she'll loose me, even if i want to stay i wont be
able too...