2001-10-09 22:55:15 (UTC)


Well, today was a day of depression. I don't really know
why though. I got to school and I just so happen to see a
picture that someone took of Leroy at the game. My emotions
were sooo mixed. My heart goes out to him, but my mind is
just like, "FUCK THAT NIGGA." I don't know how to feel
about the situation. I told Jacan that I was finish with
it, but she didn't believe me. I don't know.....I've said
it more than enough times....this time really isn't any
different than the other times...but this could be it. I
can't stay waiting around for him to be the perfect man.
He's still a boy! I have common sense to know that a
relationship with him is not going to work out. I didn't
ask that of him. I just asked that he be truthful with me,
but I didn't get that. So, do I let it go? Of course I do,
but should I keep that little bit of hope in my heart?
Right now, I don't feel as though I should. I've always
tried to think in that "if it will be, then it will be"
kind of way. Yeah, I know if me and Leroy are suppose to
be, then it will happen. But how do I keep myself from
getting hurt in the process? See, that's the problem I
have. Any other dude...I wouldn't sweat it....but I lose it
with Leroy. I don't go crazy about it, but it does break me
down. It's crazy. I feel like I should look for someone
else, so I can free my mind of Leroy. There just isn't
anyone at Baldwin that's on that level with me. I'm looking
for someone is down for a cause....someone who stands for
something. I want someone who is real with himself, who
wants a lot out of life. I want him to be fine...body
wise...structured face. Maybe dark-skinned. I'm not looking
for someone who is into playing games. I'm just sick of
these BIGITS! *J*