The Laughter Inside My Mind
2009-04-21 01:44:54 (UTC)

Ahhh a nice hot shower to end the day

Today was a typical Monday...Work was long after my 10 am
staff left, so i decided to run to wally world and grocery
shop, and before that i went into the office to meet with my
Program Director and the scheduler, but she was gone for the
day...after my shift ended i ran to curves, it was a rough
work out today, my intensity level got upped, man did that
suck, but i see the results on the scale..i still need to
lose about 9 pounds before i go back to the doctor...i
shouldn't try so hard, but i gotta..

Man the ex keeps calling so i had to tell him what is
up..that he needs to totally focus on himself and not try to
rush into anything with me because neither one of us is
ready for anything and that i certainly am not ready for a
relationship that i like where i am in my life and nothing
is going to bring me down, i told him i enjoyed being
friends with him but that is about it..i have too much
jumbled shit in my mind to fall in love with him again and
like i said in my earlier entries, i don't feel anything
when i look at him; not even when he touches me, i think i'm
too far distanced from him emotionally and i also stated
that i won't be wearing my heart on my sleeve this time,
maybe i am secretly leading him on or vice versa, or maybe
he's latching on to me because he has nobody else at this
time..we shouldn't be playing games with each other..i don't
know what to think, what to feel..fuckkkkkkk..ok well my hot
shower calmed me down and settled my thoughts for
tonight..if he continues to call me all the time like he has
been i won't answer my phone, i don't want him to think i'm
dedicated to my damn phone or that i am going to be around
when he says he's going to call..he said he wanted to
schedule his counseling appointments around my schedule and
i told him not to do that in case i'm not around, i told him
not to get dependent on me..i have my children, my job and
my bills i don't need to take care of him again..wait!!
aren't i suppose to be calm now? i need to quit writing
about him before i make myself crazier..thank gawd for my
mental meds...until next time.

Much Love,