nin137

Nick's Journal
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2009-04-20 18:12:26 (UTC)

What I SHOULD be doing

what i should be doing is finishing up my already overdue
bar application. what i should be doing is contacting my
bar review program to get my lectures. and of course, who
can forget? what i should be doing is the mound of homework
that has piled up over the weekend while i was focusing on
the aformentioned tasks. oh and i should also walk my dog
more often and i should also get back to outlining for those
classes as well.

but what AM i doing? i am writing on my online journal.
yep, mainly because i just want to bitch and moan for a bit.
i've been "networking" some. for example, i've tried my
best to stay in touch with my former boss, and after having
contacted him about a month ago, i actually thought that
there might be a possibility for a job there. but of
course, i kept on getting blown off to actually talk to him
and eventually i never got any more responses.

who knows, maybe i get one sometime soon, but i am just kind
of pissed about it. either way. i looked for some more
jobs over the weekend. i think it may be a testament to how
dry the well is out there, but i checked up on one of the
law firms advertising a job. when i was trying to research
them, the only thing that popped up was "police still
looking for burglar of _____ law firm". sigh.

so i met with three other friends this past saturday night
to discuss opening up our own law firm. you have no idea
how jazzed i am about that propsect. there is nothing that
i want more than to own my own business. i've been doing
researdch on that like crazy (more stuff of what i SHOULD be
doing) but i can't lie and say that i am without qualms.

i hate to use the word "scared" because it seems so corny
but i am a bit at this point. it just seems like all of my
life choices have kind of come to to a point here. what i
do now just feels like it will determine my success/failure
for the future. although i am really excited and dedicated
to opening my own practice i am just worried...not so much
of failure, but of mediocrity.

what if i stay stagnant in that modicum of drivel that
amounts to nothing mroe than traffic tickets and dui
defenses? civil cases that hinge not the value of an
earring that was maliciously flushed down a toilet? or a
tanning incident gone wrong? (all cases i worked on
before). there is no way i coudl be happy with that type of
caseload. i like transactional work. i like the feeling of
accommplishing something of creating something in the
process of my work.

a pithy judgment at the end of the day for $125.96
interest isn't what i strived for. but what if that is
where i'm headedin opening my own firm? that is what scares
me more htan anyhting.

you know, i watched what was probably one of the most
motivating movies i've seen in a long time just a few weeks
ago. it's called "boys of baraka" and it's about these
young boys who leave downtown baltimore to go to a private
school in baraka kenya. the kids are the usual characters
that you see in baltimore neighbor hoods, "thug" minded and
tough in their own right. but underneath all of that you
can see that they are just kids, but more than that, they
are kids who have a lot more intelligence and savvy than the
average suburban kid. they KNOW what will happen to them if
they don't succeed (although they try their best not to show
it).

one kid in particular really stood out. he was in 8th grade
but could only read at the 2nd grade level. he was really
embarrassed in front of his classmates whenever he was
called upon to read. so a tacher took him aside and had him
work on some literary programs to up his reading (and
writing) skills. throughout the movie they went to
one-on-one interviews with the kids as they voiced their
takes on the school adn they shot one of this kid during his
additional elctures.

and he said, "you know, all i can do is try." and then he
paused a second and kind of looked away contemplatively,
then looked back at the camera with a smile and enthusiasm,
"and you know...that's what i'm a gonna do. i'm gonna try
and try and try until i can't try no more...and then i'm
gonna try some more! cos you know? this is all i got.
i'm just gonna try till it hurts and then i'm just gonna
have to try some more!"

sage advice.


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