What is Normal?
"But who is to say what truly is normal...maaaaaaaaan?" no
doubt you've probably heard that sort of
pseudo-intellectualism spew forth from the mouth of some
hippster who somehow has a 26 inch waist and who wears a
spiked collar. it's supposed to be one of those stimulating
questions. how everything is really just comparative, how
there are no absolutes? how beauty (and normalcy) are in
the eyes of the beholder.
well fuck that. i'll tell you who can truly say what is
and just like the internal revenue code, i have decided to
establish what is normal, by excluding out that which is
just plain fucking weird.
there's this guy in my payment law class who is definitely
NOT normal. he sits in the row in front of me. to my left
is my friend matt and to my right is my friend sam. the guy
who sits in front of us and who is again, not normal, looks
exactly like milhouse from the simpsons. in fact he acts
like milhouse's retarded brother.
he has a curled left ear (don't know what that's all about)
and talks in that voice that black people use when they mock
white people. he vigorously nods his head when the teacher
is speaking and vigorously shakes his head when another
classmate is giving a (what he perceives to be) wrong answer.
but aside from that, he does one thing that is distinctly
"not normal". many times throughout the class, while the
teacher is speaking, he will turn to almost a 180 degree
angle and just stare at me and my two friends for about 10
10 seconds is a long time.
now, he can't be trying to awkwardly start a conversation
because this is IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS WHILE THE PROFESSOR
IS TALKING, so i have no idea what he is trying to achieve.
plus, do you know how fucking hard it is to concentrate on
law work when out of your peripheral vision you see a dude
just flat out staring at you?
now you see...that is werid. i think everyone can agree
that humans don't like to get stared at, and those who stare
at humans at length are either (a) lecherous or (b) fucking
when juli and i bought a car a few months ago we were
treated to the "finance guy" he was apparently the finance
guy in the back of the dealership because he had no "people
namely, what he would do is say something mildly
inappropriate and then giggle like a machine gun.
"do you want the security system?"
"nawh, i think we don't need that."
"well you don't want someone breaking into your car and
stealing all of your wordly
we'd sit there after each one of his cackles, which would
always end in a strained silence just staring at each other
with the expression of: "what the fuck is wrong with this guy?"
so anyways. it's beautiful out right now. my dog is
staring at me like i'm a dumbshit. he stares at me, then
looks out at the beautiful blue sky then looks back at me.
he must be thinking, "i'm gonna bite this dumb motherfucker
in the nuts if he doesn't spend some time outside today."
that's why i hate spring semester. i am couped up in my
place outlining corporate and partnership tax. a word of
warning to all of you looking to venture into law
school...this is what you get for three solid years.
but it's worth it in the end, cos you get to act weird for
the rest of your life by reciting code sections to people.
following any such recitations promptly with the deep
question of, "what is truly normal?"