Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2009-03-27 15:05:16 (UTC)

Fri. Mar. 27

It's been a very long time since I wrote in this. I don't
know why I always forgot about it.

A lot has happened since..

I've been so focused with school that I feel like I'm going
to break down soon. I don't know how long I can stay strong.
Their are two issues at hand that have been lingering in my
mind for a bit and now it's taking it's toll on me.

The one that comes out the strongest is with my boyfriend. I
hardly see him anymore and I'm hurt and upset. The last two
times I tried to get us together he declined. So, this week
I've been trying to call some friends I haven't seen in a
bit to hang out friday night and it's not going according to
plan. I want to go out and have fun. I want him to know that
I don't need him to make me happy, that I have my friends
who want to hang out with me.

This week has been so hard. He's being so sketchy with me.
Why? Because he's been sleeping in the evenings, only on
monday did we talk before going to bed and last night he
said he'd call when he could. I waited 40mins like an idiot
and i texted him saying goodnight. He then told me he'll
call me in the morning, which he didn't. I knew he didn't
have work today and I didn't think he would have told me
either, but he did later this morning.

I'm not going to arrange plans anymore. If he doesn't want
to see me, that's fine.

Another issue is my close friend. I love this chick, but
lately she's been around everyday. I need my space! When I
come home from school I want to eat, then head to the
library. But she's always tagging along and when we go to
the library she just sits there looking at me or playing
games and distracts me. I need to be serious and she's not
helping me.

This morning my mom brought it to my attention that I've
been kinda grumpy with her. She suggested I give her an
explanation. Which I think I will.. maybe tomorrow?

I need to explain to her that school is really effecting me,
especially this class that I'm killing myself for. But also,
I don't like the advice she gives me about my boyfriend and
I. She feels like an expert. Probably, but we both handle
situations very differently. Yes my boyfriend has been
acting strange, he told me his reasons. My friend's advice-
you need to re-evaluated your relationship.

Or, (in my opinion) I could just understand my boyfriend and
stand by his side.

Whatever. I really like him and he likes me too. I'm sorry
she's single again.

So, I had a class with her this morning and I didn't end up
going. I know she's mad at me, she always gets mad for
stupid things. Anyways, I really wasn't feeling well this
morning, yet she still asked if i was coming. Ugh! She's
irritating me! I need to spend less time with her!

I love her, but I can't be with her all the time.

Maybe I'll invite her for a coffee tomorrow afternoon.
She'll understand...