Constant: continuing without pause
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2009-02-23 20:34:40 (UTC)

Nothing ever stays the same.

So much has happened.
First; My brother has been in the hospital for about 3 weeks
now and should be getting home wednesday but my step mom
wants him to stay longer. He is doing a lot better. I guess
the doctors are unsure again what is wrong with him. But
keeping him there they are slowly trying to figure it out.
The first few days were horrible, hed call daily yelling and
crying wanting to come home. But hes gotten so much better
and actually getting sleep for once.
Secondly; MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 3 DAYS. My last year of being a
teenager. Ill be 19.
Thirdly;...Im not a virgin anymore.
To my surprise im not disappointed in myself. And it was
with Eric. One of my bestfriends. We talked before doing it
and he gave actual good reasons to loose it..not just cause
but if I ever wanted to, have it be him. We ended up having
sex that night. But he just had to make it memorable..the
condom broke. Luckily I got my period the next day. I guess
you can say him and I are more serious now. For the past
week Ive been spending the night with him at a house he is
sitting for his brothers inlaws. We had our friend chad and
fran over to the house the other night for dinner and we all
talked openly about our sex life. I loved it oddly. But I
have yet to tell mel. Shes my bestfriend but even the night
eric and I did it, we took the condom from her room where
her and trevor were. She came to talk to me and I just
laughed it off saying no it was cause he was naked and had a
boner i dared him to get one looking like that. Trevor knows
though, eric told him. Hes ok with it and im sure mel has
the hint because she saw the condoms we bought the other day
and eric keeps talking about where we want to have sex. She
even confronted me last night at the house, but eric came in
right when she about asked. So I ignored it.
Since the first night weve done it twice more. and then not
to sound like a horny girl but probably again tonight.

Yesterday was so much fun though. Before eric and I went to
the house again we went to his friends house. It was about 8
pm so it was pretty dark but he joked about raping me in the
woods..after awhile I believed him..we got to the house but
then took a turn into the woods on some off roading trails.
Went for awhile until a big opening came and there were his
two friends and a heard of cows. They were feeding them.
After that we all went off roading trying to get as much
dirt on eachothers trucks/jeeps as possible. Then got out
cause he wanted to show me the baby cafes. Sooooo cute. What
I loved most was, eric talks about me to his friends Ive
noticed this a lot. Cause last night when we pulled up and
they came to the car it was "hey eric..oh hey you must be
rachel!" and the other night we went to his friend domiens
house for a party and his friend tony told me eric said im a
great kisser. I asked him later about it and he admitted he
told him and yes, yes I am. hah

I hate the fact hes leaving in 2 months for his missions
trip..which will be 2 years. But hes already making plans
for when he gets back. 2 years truly isnt that long. Im not
sure whats going to happen while hes gone or even when hes
back. But for now, Im having fun.
I know what im doing isnt the best thing, or showing im a
good follower of God. But..this is me right now. and I am
still so greatful for my lord, and I wish I could show it to
him better than the way im acting, I will some day. Sooner
rather than later I hope.