Aeryn Sun

Uncharted Territories
2009-02-15 16:53:08 (UTC)

I hate surprises!!!

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I had dinner and watched The
Matrix with coworker, her friend, and the friend's
roommates. It was cool, they're nice peoples. I didn't
invite my bf,
didn't really wanna hang out with him. I really, really
dislike Valentine's day, which I told him. But I also gave
him the option of doing something together, and since he
couldn't come up with something to do I told him I'd hang
out w/ co-worker instead (since I don't get a change to hang
w/ her outside of work). I guess I didn't want to hang w/
him b/c I hate V day, I'm really not in the romantic mood,
and I haven't been feeling this relationship; hanging w/ him
yesterday would be doing something for V day and I like the
idea of saying that we didn't do anything b/c I don't
celebrate this frigging day.

Now he's gone and made plans for tonight - movie and dinner
@ a "nice" restaurant. He even made reservations!!!!
Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not a big fan surprises, esp
when it involves my time, time that I didn't give someone
permission to have. I like the idea of being in control of
things in my life, the idea of giving or not giving someone
my time. He just went and usurped that right from me! He
didn't even consult w/ me first, like "V would you like to
have dinner and a movie tomorrow night"? No, he just made
plans on his own then asked if it would be ok.

bf: at 6:45 theres a movie at the ____ i thought we
could see and at 9pm i made a dinner reservation at a nice
restaurant called ____ i thought we could try out; would u
want to do that

WHAT THE FUCK! What am I supposed to say to that? "Um, no
not really, not in the mood"? Like that's gonna fly. I can't
deal with this anymore. Its not fair to him that I've
already checked out of this relationship w/o him, but I
don't know how to end it :( Who the fuck gave him this idea,
why the hell didn't he ask me first. Why did I even start
anything with him. I regret it all. I don't like the idea of
regretting things, I like to think of them as "learning
experiences" for the future. But I regret this, and if I
regret something then it means that I could have done w/o
whatever happened.

Hopefully I can get through the night w/o being a total
bitch to him, but he's gonna hear about how I feel, I don't
like surprises. I'll write later about what happened,
Fucking pissed




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