Visions Of Life
2009-02-06 17:55:45 (UTC)

My Brother

I just realized that I never updated this journal about my
older brother, Robert. It is in my new journal. But in case
any of the old subscribers read this, My brother died In
october 2006. He went through a really rough time with his
alcohol addiction and almost died earlier in 2006. My dad
took him home and my brother worked hard to get completly
sober. he became an inspiration to others with addictions
and mental illness and was going to speak to Denver Public
school children about the dangers of alcohol and drugs. He
was not able to work because of his mental and physical
issues. He had constant panick attacks and such bad tremors
that people were always suspicious. But he helped our dad at
his job and they grew really close. I also made up with him
and had my brother back. The last time I saw him was on his
birthday August 6, 2006. We all went to a Czech restaurant
and had a great time. When my dad was out of town securing
an apartment in Tennessee for the two of them, my bother did
not answer the phone for a day. Robert and my father talked
multiple times a day plus he saw our aunt almost every day
for a ride to outpatient treatment. I was the only one with
keys, but my dad called the police before I could get a hold
of him. They found him dead in his bed. The cause was
unknown for weeks, but it turned out to be a bad reaction
between allergy medicine and a muscle relaxer. My dad has
still not recovered. The year after he died we spent it
planning my real wedding in Las vegas so it took our minds
off it a little, but after the honeymoon, it hit me so hard
that he was gone. My husband and my brother never made up
after that fight years ago because they were both too
stubborn. I feel so guilty when I read how angry I was.
Nothing I do can change that feeling and over 2 years later
it eats at me. I have grown really close to my father after
this. After Robert's death we started a non profit
foundation to help people in his situation. So many people
with these issues never get help because they cannot afford
it. We want to help them. Unfortunatly, it just hurts too
badly to work on. Maybe one day we can accomplish Robert's
goals. I really miss him.