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2001-10-09 22:35:50 (UTC)

The Last Night...

last night was one of the scariest most worrifilled moments
of my life, so far. i was actually scared that i killed him
and myself, i thought i blew out the fire between us. if he
had left my life again i dont know what i would do. he
doesnt even have to be a romance in my life, i would be ok
with us being friends if that is what he wanted; none the
less i would love to be his girlfriend. well last night i
became my own worst nightmare, i became so jealous and
untrusting that i made it a point to find out the truth
about this girl kelly that he used to be in love with. he
kept telling me that he didnt like her anymore and never
would again cause of her lack of interest in him. well why
i pretended to be this girl online he told her how he
thinks of her often and would love her again (given the
chance). that broke my heart...cause he had been lying to
me about whether or not he would go back with her... i
ended up telling him that it was me pretending to be her
because i didnt want him to get his hopes up that she had
come back for him...that would be so cruel even for me.

now i dont know what to belive, does he really like me or
is he just playing me? i want to believe him but i just
dont know what to do or who to believe. i want him to love
me, i want him to be enchanted with me as i am with him. i
just cant believe myself for getting so jealous and
suspicious that i actually did that to him.

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