blkdragon

grounded
2009-01-26 15:48:37 (UTC)

Withstand and Sustain

1/23/09– 4:34 pm? Last night was mellow, I’d see Paula and
her gf skating, I’d wait for the right time to say hello;
Paula would tell me that she’s been laid-off. I said hello
to Paula’s gf, while she sat on the bench in the practice
area, Paula and I would touch while we skated; reaching our
hands to one another for a lingering and loving touch. This
woman has the loveliest spirit, she’d tell me that she
called my number, when we last saw one another, she said she
left voicemail; I laughingly contested that. I didn’t want
to get maudlin on Paula, she went from making what she
called an “ungodly” sum of money to accepting the maximum
from unemployment, she just bought a house last year.
I did the weigh-in this morning, 146#, I’d swim 1/8th mile;
I was practicing breathing control and sucking up a lot of
water doing it. I stopped at 12 laps to ask Nicole for
advice, I told her that what I was currently doing was
enough for me not to huff and puff, but it wasn’t enough for
me to feel confident in permanently changing the way I swim.
I’ll be hitting the pool in the morning to work on my form,
Pelham would arrive as the pool was closing for the aerobics
class, he’d be surprised to see me with Nicole/Larry and
Cathy, he’d also look at me for a sustained period of time
without speaking; I’d wonder, wtf?
Nicole told me that my Son was at the Y yesterday, he was
pestering Cathy, I’d really love to see him with a young
woman like her; he’s not in her league, I’d tell Cathy just
that.
Sheridan and Anne skated last night, it was a different
night than normal, Mike would shadow me for a while; I’d
have a group behind me! I didn’t allow the fact that I was
being followed influence what I was doing, one minute
they’re there, I make a sudden adjustment and I’m alone;
they have to catch up to me. I’d also check on wheels for
Nicole, Charles will discount them, he made a point to ask
who’d be paying; I don’t want him charging her inflated prices.
I wouldn’t notice until later in the evening, Joshua called
me, I didn’t remember until today; he’s on my reject list.
I remember when he asked that we not contact him, he didn’t
want the distraction of his Family’s drama; I don’t want to
be contacted by any of them now because I’m concentrating on
only myself.
Today’s Romantic Horoscope: No doubt about it -- you were
wronged. And whoever did it, poor soul, you'll never let
them forget. How about this? Let it go. Forgive the
transgressor and put the past behind you, even if you feel
they owe you an apology. The anger is hindering your
present-day progress.
I’d just talked with Nicole about not being angry with Xia,
I’m not sure this isn’t in reference to my Sons, at any rate
I feel a need to concentrate solely on myself. I have never
gotten a call suggesting that someone wanted to do something
for me, I won’t be waiting for it either, they don’t need to
be concerned with how I’m feeling; that’s what pisses me
off, I didn’t teach either of them to be selfish. This has
been a horrendous year in what I’ve had to withstand and
sustain, I’ve always been want to suggest that I’ve come
into this world alone, in reality; I was with God and God
was within me. When all is said and done, all I truly need
is the Divine, regardless of what I want.




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