soul survivor
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2009-01-16 02:45:03 (UTC)

i live i learn i love

2009 is not a good start for me! Honestly I don't know why I took steven back! Maybe I blind by love. The stupid fool cheated on me cause he thought I cheated on him. I fucking died inside when I caught him. My whole heart shattered just because I did to cameron I cheated on cameron. I felt what he felt. I gave everything to steven. And cameron gave everything to me. I have a regrete, steven is no cameron! I had a life made with cameron and I fucked it up cause I felt something for steven. I should of listened and ignored my feelings for steven and stayed with cameron. Although I'm with steven and I'm in love with him. I know deep down that cameron will always be my soulmate hands down, just cause we connect on many levels, he understands me like no other. But that ship has sailed for the both of us. The thing is I was ready to settle down with steven and the shit cheated on me. I'm still hurt and in pain I don't even know if I can still trust him. I'm soo hesitate to a point I just lose it when he adds a girl and or talks to another girl. I'm going away for a whole week in feb. And I don't know what the hell he will doing here . Out drinking partying girls hitting on him . I'm gonna go mad on my vacation. Just like I went mad on my last vacation when me and cameron had probs I frickin drank all my problems away. if steven fucks up while I'm gone I'm through with this relationship . I won't be able to take him this time. I will leave him alone and forget about him way in the back of my head. I will not let him blow my ego, cause at the end of the day I know I'm better than anyone he would ever find.